r/sexadvice

Me and my boyfriend have been attempting to do anal but whatever we do it’s still hurtful

We use shit ton of lube and condoms

And I’m also scared and embarrassed about the after results I need guy’s opinion and experience

Have you ever had anal unexpectedly like the girl didn’t had time or don’t know how to clean the anus how did it end up?

Was it messy or no mess at all?

More than pain I’m scared of this because I don’t have the utilities to clean my anus.

P%rn is performance art, don't try to emulate it

Pretty much the title, I usually use porn to masturbate but recently I have been trying to move away from porn to jerk off, is there a healthier way to go about it?

Okay so there’s a girl (18F) and me (18M), and we’ve been seeing each other for about 6 months now. We’ve done some stuff already, but she wants to go further and give me oral. I’m down, but it would be my first time.

I’m really nervous about a few things. I don’t even know if my size is small and I don’t want her to think it is. I’ve been too scared to actually measure because I don’t want to see a low number. I’ve compared it to my iPhone 14 and it’s a bit longer, but I don’t know if that’s considered good or not.

I’m also worried I might not get fully hard because of nerves or that something awkward could happen. I feel like a lot could go wrong and I don’t really know what to expect.

I am M40. I'm fit and healthy and enjoy a relatively active sex life. I would consider myself good at sex (but not mindblowing) and have what I believe to be slightly larger than average p*nis, but it's by no meaks a pringles can.

My main issue is that I've always been a quick finisher, much quicker than I believe is the average, and nothing I try seems to make a difference (I've tried different techniques, breathing exercises, changes to diet etc).

On the plus side, my recovery time is almost zero, certainly no more than two minutes at the worst, and often I'm ready to go again without losing my erection (and yes this leads to full, normal ejaculation). Generally between six-ten times is my normal performance however in the right circumstances I can go more, I think my record is about 25 spread over an entire sleepless night.

Each climax for me is as pleasurable and the amount of semen produced seems to drop off only slightly.

So, ladies, would you find this style of performance offbeat, unsual, disappointing, positive... how would you view what's essentially repeated quickies rather than a longer single session? Cheers.

Phrases she will like to hear during the act

Need some help with my gf that seems to have a praise kink and dirty talk.

What are phrases I (male) can say while I am receiving oral, giving oral and while I am inside of her?

Ideally descriptive phrases describing her pussy, tongue, mouth, eyes, etc. Ideally position/act specific.

Also, phrases I can make her repeat. Like.. "Who's got the tightest pussy"

Lol dont worry.. I wont pull out my phone mid action.. ill be memorizing and practicing them. Just need a baseline to work with.

My first ever time giving a blowjob, although he said I was great, he said I could do with a little less teeth. My teeth arent huge, but also how am I supposed to do that?? Please help!

Would also appreciate more tips on giving good BJs!

Thanks

So, I’ve been seeing this girl, and we recently started having sex. She’s never masturbated before. When I’m pleasuring her, like fingering or oral, she says she feels like she needs to pee. I know this is a normal sensation when someone’s close to climax, so I encourage her to just relax and let it happen. But even after 10 minutes or so, she can’t let go and sometimes pulls away, maybe because she thinks she’ll actually pee. I want to make her feel comfortable, but she can’t seem to let her body relax. Im also unsure if it's a me issue, like how is she sitting here at 10 minutes on the verge and not finishing. Am I doing something wrong? Any experience or advice can help.

I won't be too long winded, and I suppose the reasons aren't too important. Very sheltered, conservative upbringing, SA'd and abused for 7 years in first relationship I ever had.

Anyway, I'm now in an incredible and loving relationship, but we don't have much sex. I honestly am not all too bothered by that, for the most part, and neither is my partner. However, for some reason I've had a huge spike in libido recently. I think about it all the time, and I'm pretty sure my partner would usually be all for it if I initiated.

Only, I can't. I freeze up every time I try. I'll think about it all day, know what I'll say, or do, and feel confident. Then, when the time comes, my brain just won't do it. I'll get frustrated if I feel too tired, I'll worry that my partner might not be having the best day for it, I'll ruminate over the idea that if I test the waters with just some nice touch, massaging, just being close in general, my partner will not want to be too crowded, or they'll sense that I'm headed that way and feel like I'm coercing them (which I would never do)

The obvious answer seems to be that I need to talk it out. But my brain shuts down there, too. I'm awful at flirting, my mind practically refuses to say anything Sexual unless I'm being ridiculously silly about it. Then, if I muster the courage to shyly talk about it honestly and raw, it feels like I'll just ruin any possible mood for sex and I have no idea how many times I'd have to awkwardly so that and not have sex before I can finally shift into something more confident.

So any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

I’ve gotten bored with just masturbaiting. i’m 21m and want to try some new things while doing it myself. any ideas on what i can do to make it more fun or more enjoyable and feels better. i want to try something different something new

do u all use condoms while giving it or do u give it raw

please tell I'm very confused

I was making out with a man that I was newly dating and he asked me if I wanted him to go down on me. I said no - I’m not ready. I pointed out that we hadn’t done much sexually yet. I said, “You’re trying to go straight to oral and you haven’t even touched me yet. You’re trying to skip a bunch of steps.”

So he held my arm with one hand and shoved his other hand down my pants and into my underwear. I was laughing at the time but I was kind of in shock. It felt playful, but also, that was the first time he touched me there. Not really what I was hoping for.

The next day he told me he was concerned that he was repeating unhealthy patterns from his previous (sexless) marriage. He pointed out that he should not have put his hand down my pants. He mentioned one other time a few days later that he crossed my boundary. I think he felt bad about it.

I’m having a delayed reaction to how messed up it kind of was and wanted to get outsiders’ point of view.

okay, I need advice. I am a pansexual 22F, and at this point I have had sex with 4 people. The first person was a long term friend that we initiated a sexual relationship with, and after being friends for 7 years she ghosted me; then, I hooked up with a friend a few months later (it was not satisfying); I hooked up with a guy (sad) and then another guy (who like lowkey did something I did not agree to but thats not what this is about).

I'm not letting any of these experiences dictate my sexual identity or experiences, I have been getting to know a new guy and I am interested in having sex with him. However, because of the poor experiences I have had I am having a really hard time letting myself be excited about letting loose fully with him. The friend turned lover I got involved with has left me with a very distorted vision of what I am allowed to 'feel'. like with her, I fear I was too much and that's what pushed her away. however my adult brain is like I know that isnt true, but I am scared that it is. I guess I am asking advice on how to embrace myself sexually? I can't even say again, because in my past experiences I never really let myself free. I want to go into this next experience letting myself be there fully, but my heart feels so heavy at the thought of letting someone else in and not being reciprocated or let down.

I dont really know what I am looking for in advice, but whatever you have to say please say it. I love sex and I want to enjoy what it could do for me mentally, physically, and spiritually. please helpppp thank u

Hello, I'm a female, I don't want to have sex with somebody because it feels "sacred" to me and will take time to meet the person. But I want to have more fun masturbating. I'm thinking of taking my own virginity, but I'm scared that I'll regret it, or if it'll hurt. Any advice?

I’m a guy, almost 33 years old, and I feel pretty bad about never having had sex. The furthest I’ve gotten is going out with three girls in my entire life and a few kisses, nothing more. The main problem is that fear blocks me and I can’t move past that point.

For years I’ve been taking clonazepam and fluoxetine for social anxiety. I’m generally a cheerful person with a good sense of humor, and on apps like Tinder I get matches and even girls who invite me out… but it never goes beyond that. I just can’t take the next step.

I’m currently in the United States for work and thought this could be an opportunity to change things, but it’s just as difficult as before. There isn’t a single day I don’t think about this, and it’s already affecting my work and my peace of mind.

On top of that, I compare myself a lot to what I see on social media, casual relationships, people who are much more relaxed about sex, etc. That makes me feel even more behind, and I get insecure thinking that any girl I go out with will have much more experience than me, and that I’ll embarrass myself.

I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do: whether to start sex/psychological therapy focused on this, or try with an escort to “unlock” myself (although I’m also afraid of paying and then having my nerves get the better of me).

I feel like I’m stuck in a pretty exhausting vicious cycle.

Has anyone gone through something similar or have any recommendations?

Hey all, bit of a strange situation.

A couple of months back, I broke up with my girlfriend. We had great sex, and I never had any issues. However, I’ve seen several people since, and at random, I won't be able to get hard. When it happens, it’ll typically be before penetration after I put a condom on, which is super embarrassing. Other times, though, it won't happen at all.

Oddly, when I go without a condom, this is rarely an issue. However, given that I’m pretty active, that’s not sustainable. I can occasionally lock in and get it back up, but the whole situation has been driving me crazy and is a big source of anxiety. I feel like less of a man. I tried viagra, which worked, but I hate spending the money. I don’t believe it's biological, as I have been with people with zero issues (including hooking up with my ex lmao). For instance, the second time I saw someone, I had this issue, but the first time with them, there was no problem. I rarely watch porn, so that’s not the issue. I think it may be an anxiety thing? Anyway, do any of you guys have tips to resolve this?

So as some info; I’m 25, bisexual, nonbinary (afab), and neurodivergent. I have had sex plenty of times just not recently. (Bit of a long post but I appreciate if you read and give me some feedback/thoughts)

I’ve never been able to have an orgasm. I don’t know why. People might say well ask for what you know you like in bed or do what you know you like while pleasuring myself . But I haven’t really found the things I like that would work. I mean sure I like some kinky stuff like spanking but that’s not gonna give me an orgasm lol. Also self pleasure does little to nothing for me. It has to be another person if there is any chance to get a decent amount of pleasure from it.

I am bisexual but I have very little experience with women mostly due to lack of confidence and opportunity. But I’ve had sex with 12 people in my life . Most of which were decent or bad. 2 were good/good ish but not that memorable. And 1 was really good!! I don’t think the one who was really good did like specific things that I could ask for in the future though. I mean he could read my body,eyes, and mind really easy. I didn’t really have to tell him much , I just liked most everything he did. Plus he’s just good in bed and he was also in my preference down there too. Plus I was in love with him and got to snuggle too. (He didn’t feel the same about me and I knew that the whole time. But I couldn’t exactly control my feelings).

Anyways i have also gotten toys before and I always end up regretting it because just like any self pleasure it just doesn’t do much for me. Like someone else could use the exact same toy or do the same thing with their hand and it would feel way better than me doing it to myself idk why!

And penetration always hurts me to some extent. Doesn’t matter how much lube there is or how gentle they do it. I am very tight and it always hurts. I do find if they go fast it doesn’t hurt as much since there isn’t constant pressure. (But I do typically like it a bit rough in bed tho so it’s complicated). Also my rule id sex is worth it if there is more pleasure than pain! And the doctor says everything is normal down there though .

(Also idk if it’s important info but I am a lot more into receiving than giving. I want to give them pleasure but I just am not into stuff like oral. And I am overweight so riding is just gonna hurt my back and knees too much. Plus I find that position hurts worse for penetration.)

Also for the last few years it’s been harder for me to see people I feel physically attracted to. I can still see people look good but I don’t feel that attraction pull towards them or the urge to sleep with them or anything. If I do feel that way it almost always is just some person on TikTok or something (Max Anthony for example lol). But in person if I do feel physically attracted to somebody I see irl it is usually a woman. I feel like I see a lot more women I find attractive than men.

I definitely crave sex and get really sexually frustrated . Especially since it’s been over 2 years since I’ve had sex. But that’s almost always the case with me , I’ll have sex 1-3 times and then have a dry spell for at least 6-24 months if not longer! Which sucks!!! But regardless I just get so confused like how can I crave something I typically don’t even enjoy?

It gets me in my head like am I even bisexual? Am I on the ace spectrum? Etc etc. I doubt I am on the ace spectrum when I am not in my head. Plus I’ve been attracted to men and women since I was 14.

But I have trust issues with women. Most women I’ve known platonically and not platonically have hurt me in one way or other. They’ve ghosted, been fake, talked shit behind my back, broken my trust, etc! Also as someone who’s neurodivergent I can struggle to read people but I especially struggle to read women. I’ve always had more male friends than female friends. Mostly due to getting along easier with men and being able to relate more to them. But with all that said over the past couple years even though I am still bi my attraction in general has leaned more towards women! Even though usually if I think about sex I think about sex with men. But that could just be due to lack of experience having sex with women idk.

Anyways I just am so confused and don’t understand the whole wanting sex really bad but also rarely enjoying it thing? Like how can you want something you usually don’t like?

Hey everyone,

1st time post. I am a 34 year old male. 6ft 2", 205lbs. I am relatively fit, however over the past years my activity level is low. I do try to get outside and hike/kayak in my free time but as far as gym and cardio it has been awhile. My gf and I have a pretty healthy relationship, however I feel like due to Premature Ejacaculation which I feel I have only been struggling in this relationship, is becoming an issue for her and leading to some sexual frustration.

Some back story, most of my adult sexual life I have always been someone who really never struggled with PE infact I would say quite the opposite to the point there has been sexual relationships where I just did not ejacaculate no matter how long sex went for having pretty much full control no matter the speed, intensity, with or without a condom etc. In my late 20's I started my current relationship and ever since then it has been hard to satisfy my GF purely from vaginal sex.

I can't remember when the PE started as with the beginning of our relationship we were having very long sexual sessions and no matter how long we went for my GF could just not orgasm from penitration alone. She was on depression medication and she thought that contributed to it. After she stopped the medication things seemed to improve but I can not give her an orgasm strictly from penitration alone which she insists she can and wants to have.

Fast forward to now and I don't wanna say we barely have sex but it definitely has reduced down to maybe once a week to a few times a month. When we do have sex I feel like I can barely last. My GF can not have children so we always have unprotected sex. On average I would say I can last around 3-5 minutes of full on hard deep thrusts before I hit the point of no return. Unfortunately for her it seems like whenever she gets close I either need to stop or I ejacaculate.

I am not sure if I am over thinking things. If we have sex where it's slower paced and I take quick pauses we can easily go 30min to an hour. However when I ramp up intensity to try and make her orgasm it can be all over the place. Again I feel really bad and or conversation last night after intercourse made me feel horrible. She basically explained to me everytime it starts feeling really good for her I have to stop and I could tell she was frustrated.

I always try to engage in foreplay, however she always insists it doesn't do much for her and she just wants to have sex. We also do have numerous toys that we use which with she can orgasm fairly quickly from clitoral stimulation. She still insists though she can from vaginal stimulation alone.

Is there anything I can do? Am I just over thinking things. I have read the average time for men is 5 minutes which I would say 90% of the time I can last for. Its just hard to hear that you basically aren't satisfying you partner. My other concern is how much time she needs. There has been instances where I can last 5-10 minutes of sold thrusts and even then my GF just can't orgasm and she insists she needs more time. I have tried to bring up the fact just like I use to last FOREVER, maybe things have changed for her and we need to include toys. Another thing I have brought up is the fact we only have sex once a week or a few times a month causes a huge build up. Ideally I would like to be intimate more. I feel that delay and build up to having sex only intensifies the urge to orgasm for me.

I did look into getting wipes with lidocaine for sensitivity. I also brought up condoms because then I can last FOREVER. however my gf is strictly against that. Again ANY advice would be a warm welcome. Our sex life is important to us, and I am committed to doing what I can do to help.

My (23f) partner (29m) has been left feeling emotionally disconnected because of our declining sex life. It’s started out hot and heavy and we seemed extremely sexually compatible. 2 years later and we only have enjoyable sex 1-2 per week. I have felt my libido drop significantly and very rarely am in the mood. He likes more kinky stuff (nothing too crazy) which has become a complete turn off for me.

For context.. I found my fathers porn at a very young age, and was exposed to my parents problems with their sex life throughout my childhood (mostly my father getting in a mood because my mom won’t have sex with him). On top of that, I’ve been a witness to the aftermath of a close friend being r*ped back in college. I am extremely sensitive to misogyny, sexualizing and objectification of women, and sexual violence.

Now, I’ve never had issues with having sex. I was a bit hypersexual as a teenager but I became quite comfortable and healthy with sex overtime. I was able to be kinky with my boyfriend at the start of the relationship (oral, spitting, feet, dirty talk, etc.) Now I feel like there is a total mental block. I can sometimes get into it after a while but it usually just makes me feel dirty and overwhelmed. My boyfriend feels like I just don’t put effort in and recently said I don’t try to look pretty for him. He doesn’t specify or talk about it too much because he has trouble expressing his needs but that’s a whole other issue.

The point of this post is that I want to feel comfortable being sexy, I want to enjoy being kinky and I want to want to please my man. I just can’t quite figure out what is going on emotionally for me that is standing in my way. PLEASE HELP!!

hi friends so long story short me and my bf have been having a hard time sexually mostly its me having the hard time getting there

in the beginning it was great but idk what happened now im all in my head and nothing feels good anymore

we live with my mom and shes going away for a week so my plan of action is what im calling sex camp

a week of sexual exploration and discovery sounds fun but i was wondering if i should plan out some kind of itinerary like day one just talking about what we like maybe using one of those apps where u select things ur into and it shows u all the ones that match up between u and then as the week goes ramp it up

i can probably figure it out myself but if anyone has a passion for planning a week of sexual discovery i would be happy for some tips

thanks in advance! and any advice at all is welcome even if its just to do with my situation and not sex camp lol