My struggles with sexuality are leaving my partner unfulfilled
My (23f) partner (29m) has been left feeling emotionally disconnected because of our declining sex life. It’s started out hot and heavy and we seemed extremely sexually compatible. 2 years later and we only have enjoyable sex 1-2 per week. I have felt my libido drop significantly and very rarely am in the mood. He likes more kinky stuff (nothing too crazy) which has become a complete turn off for me.
For context.. I found my fathers porn at a very young age, and was exposed to my parents problems with their sex life throughout my childhood (mostly my father getting in a mood because my mom won’t have sex with him). On top of that, I’ve been a witness to the aftermath of a close friend being r*ped back in college. I am extremely sensitive to misogyny, sexualizing and objectification of women, and sexual violence.
Now, I’ve never had issues with having sex. I was a bit hypersexual as a teenager but I became quite comfortable and healthy with sex overtime. I was able to be kinky with my boyfriend at the start of the relationship (oral, spitting, feet, dirty talk, etc.) Now I feel like there is a total mental block. I can sometimes get into it after a while but it usually just makes me feel dirty and overwhelmed. My boyfriend feels like I just don’t put effort in and recently said I don’t try to look pretty for him. He doesn’t specify or talk about it too much because he has trouble expressing his needs but that’s a whole other issue.
The point of this post is that I want to feel comfortable being sexy, I want to enjoy being kinky and I want to want to please my man. I just can’t quite figure out what is going on emotionally for me that is standing in my way. PLEASE HELP!!