u/Viprex94

Hey everyone,

1st time post. I am a 34 year old male. 6ft 2", 205lbs. I am relatively fit, however over the past years my activity level is low. I do try to get outside and hike/kayak in my free time but as far as gym and cardio it has been awhile. My gf and I have a pretty healthy relationship, however I feel like due to Premature Ejacaculation which I feel I have only been struggling in this relationship, is becoming an issue for her and leading to some sexual frustration.

Some back story, most of my adult sexual life I have always been someone who really never struggled with PE infact I would say quite the opposite to the point there has been sexual relationships where I just did not ejacaculate no matter how long sex went for having pretty much full control no matter the speed, intensity, with or without a condom etc. In my late 20's I started my current relationship and ever since then it has been hard to satisfy my GF purely from vaginal sex.

I can't remember when the PE started as with the beginning of our relationship we were having very long sexual sessions and no matter how long we went for my GF could just not orgasm from penitration alone. She was on depression medication and she thought that contributed to it. After she stopped the medication things seemed to improve but I can not give her an orgasm strictly from penitration alone which she insists she can and wants to have.

Fast forward to now and I don't wanna say we barely have sex but it definitely has reduced down to maybe once a week to a few times a month. When we do have sex I feel like I can barely last. My GF can not have children so we always have unprotected sex. On average I would say I can last around 3-5 minutes of full on hard deep thrusts before I hit the point of no return. Unfortunately for her it seems like whenever she gets close I either need to stop or I ejacaculate.

I am not sure if I am over thinking things. If we have sex where it's slower paced and I take quick pauses we can easily go 30min to an hour. However when I ramp up intensity to try and make her orgasm it can be all over the place. Again I feel really bad and or conversation last night after intercourse made me feel horrible. She basically explained to me everytime it starts feeling really good for her I have to stop and I could tell she was frustrated.

I always try to engage in foreplay, however she always insists it doesn't do much for her and she just wants to have sex. We also do have numerous toys that we use which with she can orgasm fairly quickly from clitoral stimulation. She still insists though she can from vaginal stimulation alone.

Is there anything I can do? Am I just over thinking things. I have read the average time for men is 5 minutes which I would say 90% of the time I can last for. Its just hard to hear that you basically aren't satisfying you partner. My other concern is how much time she needs. There has been instances where I can last 5-10 minutes of sold thrusts and even then my GF just can't orgasm and she insists she needs more time. I have tried to bring up the fact just like I use to last FOREVER, maybe things have changed for her and we need to include toys. Another thing I have brought up is the fact we only have sex once a week or a few times a month causes a huge build up. Ideally I would like to be intimate more. I feel that delay and build up to having sex only intensifies the urge to orgasm for me.

I did look into getting wipes with lidocaine for sensitivity. I also brought up condoms because then I can last FOREVER. however my gf is strictly against that. Again ANY advice would be a warm welcome. Our sex life is important to us, and I am committed to doing what I can do to help.