getting my sexual spark back
okay, I need advice. I am a pansexual 22F, and at this point I have had sex with 4 people. The first person was a long term friend that we initiated a sexual relationship with, and after being friends for 7 years she ghosted me; then, I hooked up with a friend a few months later (it was not satisfying); I hooked up with a guy (sad) and then another guy (who like lowkey did something I did not agree to but thats not what this is about).
I'm not letting any of these experiences dictate my sexual identity or experiences, I have been getting to know a new guy and I am interested in having sex with him. However, because of the poor experiences I have had I am having a really hard time letting myself be excited about letting loose fully with him. The friend turned lover I got involved with has left me with a very distorted vision of what I am allowed to 'feel'. like with her, I fear I was too much and that's what pushed her away. however my adult brain is like I know that isnt true, but I am scared that it is. I guess I am asking advice on how to embrace myself sexually? I can't even say again, because in my past experiences I never really let myself free. I want to go into this next experience letting myself be there fully, but my heart feels so heavy at the thought of letting someone else in and not being reciprocated or let down.
I dont really know what I am looking for in advice, but whatever you have to say please say it. I love sex and I want to enjoy what it could do for me mentally, physically, and spiritually. please helpppp thank u