r/softmaledom

(important context is that I'm referring to phone sex more than irl cause at least there you can get usually away with cuddling and other touches like rubbing your thumb on their skin and stuff. stuff that is really hard to get wrong)

Man, what is it with the amount of people who will say up front "oh absolutely yes, aftercare is very important for sure" or even straightup say that they're good at it then the second it's time to prove themselves they've got nothing.

It's the absolute worst feeling when we've just finished and as a sub I'm feeling vulnerable and with my heart on my sleeve because of all the freaky shit we just said and I slowly realize that the other person isn't saying anything at all. And to get any aftercare at all I'm gonna have to practically ask them to repeat things back to me (I don't mean literally saying "repeat after me: you did so well. I've got you", I mean saying things like "was that okay? I wish we were cuddling" just so they can at least repeat "I wish we were cuddling too" and I can feel the tiniest amount of care. It's not much of course but it seems even just asking them to say things back to me helps a tiny bit to make sure I'm not feeling really emotionally raw afterwards.

Idk man, it sucks. And it usually puts me into a sub drop that makes me not want to do anything with anyone for a bit.

So I suppose advice from someone who prides herself on being a good domme (I'm a switch). Please just say the obvious things. Say the cliches, it's fine. Practically reading from a script is infinitely better than nothing. Please! Just say something!! Don't force your sub to have to pull themselves out of that subspace so suddenly because they've realized that they have to be the one taking charge.

Please please please know that everything I want to do, I want to do safely and consensually. I want to use the appropriate safe words and I don’t want to hurt anyone. If this woman uses her safe word at any time, I HAVE to stop or slow down, depending on the word. Here goes:

I (32m) usually date high achieving and very stressed out women in NYC. I have this fantasy where a very beautiful and stressed out woman shows up in a sundress at my apartment door. We say nothing. We kiss on the mouth very deeply. I carry her on my shoulders to my room and lock the door. I throw her on the bed and bind her hands, whether she’s willing or not, sundress still on. I tell her there’s no escape. I get behind her in a spooning position. I kiss her neck and the back of her head. I whisper into her ear that she’s mine today and remind her that she has no choice in what’s about to happen. Then the fun begins.

I take my hands and make my way down her body. I massage her neck and shoulders, then I play with her breasts under her sundress and stay there for a little. I cup them and play with her nipples. Once I’m done I make my way with one hand down to her stomach while keeping the other playing with a breast. I tell her how beautiful she is while I’m on her stomach. Then slowly, I make my way down to between her legs under her panties. I massage the outside of her vulva for a good while. As I do this, I kiss her neck, bite her shoulders, breathe into her ear, and fondle her breasts with the other hand.

I ask her if she’s gonna be a good girl, then I remind her that she can’t cum without my permission. With the hand that’s in between her legs, I slowly make my way to every part of her that is not her clit. Only when enough time has passed do I start playing with her clit. Then I grab a powerful wand vibrator. I rip her panties with my hands. I place the head of the wand vibrator on her vulva in the lowest setting. Again, she’s tied up and can’t move. I don’t care how much she squirms or tries to break free, she’s not going anywhere. I put my muscular arm around her neck and remind her that she’s my captive and has no choice but to sit here and endure what’s about to happen.

As time goes on, I gradually increase the strength of the vibrator. She begs to cum at a certain point. Only when I’m satisfied that she’s been tortured for long enough do I allow her to cum. When she does I tell her she can climax as much as she wants. But the vibrator doesn’t stop. No matter how much she screams and cries and begs, I keep the pressure on. She then cums time after time. Only when she’s cum a sufficient number of times do I stop. If she ever asks to stop, I say, then why are you still cumming? I want to leave her a sweating, drooling, wet mess.

After I’m satisfied that she’s cum enough times, I untie her and remove her dress and take off my clothes. We begin to make passionate love. I tell her what a good girl she was. At some point, I want to finish like this: I want her to take my thick cock in missionary with her legs on my shoulders. I want to fuck her slowly and passionately and speed up as time goes on. I want to finish inside her as I stare into her eyes and tell her she’s mine.

After that, we cuddle. To be honest, my motivation for working out my shoulders has been to get them wide enough that someone relatively petite can be almost surrounded by muscle. As we cuddle, again, I tell her how good she did and how she deserved all the pleasure that tonight brought.

At a certain point, I want to make us sandwiches or eat some of my meal prep; maybe make us some matcha. Something. I just wanna have a cozy evening after all that.

I hope y’all enjoyed 😊

The apartment felt quieter than it ever had, even with both of us sitting on the couch we’d picked out together last spring. She was curled into the corner, knees drawn up under one of my old hoodies, eyes red but steady. I sat facing her, our hands linked on the cushion between us like we were still afraid to let go completely.

“I love you,” I said, voice low and rough. “You know that.”

She nodded, squeezing my fingers. “I love you too, . That’s never been the problem.”

Her words hit different tonight soft, final, already slipping into memory. We talked for a long time. About how our lives were pulling in opposite directions: her wanting to travel, to chase the career that would keep her moving city to city; me wanting family, a home base, the kind of stability I’d started craving after years of always being the strong one for her. We wanted different futures. And as much as we loved each other, forcing it felt unfair to both of us.

When the last words were said, I pulled her into my lap one final time and held her while she cried. She whispered

“Thank you for being my safe place” against my neck, and I kissed her hair and told her she’d always be my good girl, even if I couldn’t say it out loud anymore.

The next morning I helped her load the last boxes into her car. We stood in the driveway, foreheads pressed together, breathing the same air for one last minute. Then she was gone.

The weeks that followed moved in slow, gray stretches.

I’d wake up reaching for her side of the bed before remembering it was empty. At the gym I’d catch myself scanning for her favorite playlist on my phone. Cooking dinner alone felt wrong without her stealing bites from the spoon or dancing behind me while the sauce simmered. Every night I’d pick up my phone, thumb hovering over her name, wanting to ask if she’d landed safely in the new city or if she’d tried that little café she kept talking about. I’d type

“Hey baby, just checking in…” and delete it before I could send. She deserved the space to grow without me holding on.

Across the miles, I know she did the same.

She told me once, in a voice note she never sent, that she still knelt sometimes at night just to feel grounded. That she’d see something funny and start typing a message to me before stopping herself. She hoped I was sleeping better. She hoped I was happy. She still called me Sir in her head when the world felt too heavy, even though she knew she shouldn’t.

She posted pictures from new cities, smiling brighter each time. We both kept living.

But some nights, when the rain hits the window just right or a certain song comes on, I still feel her head on my chest. I still hear her soft “Yes, Sir” in my mind and smile even while my heart aches.

We loved each other enough to let go.

And somewhere out there, I hope she’s thriving my beautiful, brave girl chasing the life she deserves. I hope she knows I’m doing the same, carrying the best parts of us with me every single day.

I never sent the text.

But I think of her every time I almost do.

After a long day, she walked through the door looking completely drained.

I looked up from the couch and smiled softly.

“Hey princess… I missed you.”

She came straight to me. I opened my arms and she melted into my lap without a word. I wrapped her up, pulling her close, her head resting against my chest.

“Trouble at work?” I asked gently. She just nodded.

I pressed my forehead to hers, breathing her in. “Relax for me, my cupcake,” I whispered as my fingers slowly unbuttoned her blouse. One by one.

When it fell open, I unclasped her bra and let it slip away, kissing her closed eyelids so tenderly. “Did you eat anything today?”

She shook her head. “No… don’t worry.”

I kissed the spot right over her heart, then took one nipple into my mouth, gently suckling while my tongue rolled over it. Her eyes fluttered back as my hands smoothed up and down her thighs, soothing every tight muscle.

I slid her skirt down slowly, kissing every inch of skin I uncovered. My palm cupped her warmth through her panties before I gently pulled them aside, just holding her, letting her feel safe and cared for.

Then I reached for the tray of nachos and dips I’d prepared, placing it on her tummy.

“Eat up while you rest on me, baby. You did so good today.”

I kissed her hair, stroking her back in slow circles.

“Now it’s time to relax and let me take care of the rest… my strong, tenacious woman.”

Today I got triggered. She remembered something that i had done six months ago and said “i don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Every step is just hurtful”.

We are planning to meet and celebrate her birthday and dream job. I booked a nice place and made arrangements with the hotel to make it special.

She said let us cancel the plan to meet. This triggered me that after all the efforts I made in all these months. I was angry and was rude to her. She said dont call me princess because you treated me worse than a random person on a street.

Finally we talked and said sorry to each other. We will still meet but I really wished that we had the soft dom and princess dynamic but I guess i have failed. I am not capable of handling this… I really tried and made sincere efforts to mend past episode issue. Nothing works and i feel like I’m back to square one.

Her response- I’m like this only. You know it. I will never forget the past. This was just a “high tide”

Looking for suggestions on How could I have handled it better?