Rant: bad aftercare
(important context is that I'm referring to phone sex more than irl cause at least there you can get usually away with cuddling and other touches like rubbing your thumb on their skin and stuff. stuff that is really hard to get wrong)
Man, what is it with the amount of people who will say up front "oh absolutely yes, aftercare is very important for sure" or even straightup say that they're good at it then the second it's time to prove themselves they've got nothing.
It's the absolute worst feeling when we've just finished and as a sub I'm feeling vulnerable and with my heart on my sleeve because of all the freaky shit we just said and I slowly realize that the other person isn't saying anything at all. And to get any aftercare at all I'm gonna have to practically ask them to repeat things back to me (I don't mean literally saying "repeat after me: you did so well. I've got you", I mean saying things like "was that okay? I wish we were cuddling" just so they can at least repeat "I wish we were cuddling too" and I can feel the tiniest amount of care. It's not much of course but it seems even just asking them to say things back to me helps a tiny bit to make sure I'm not feeling really emotionally raw afterwards.
Idk man, it sucks. And it usually puts me into a sub drop that makes me not want to do anything with anyone for a bit.
So I suppose advice from someone who prides herself on being a good domme (I'm a switch). Please just say the obvious things. Say the cliches, it's fine. Practically reading from a script is infinitely better than nothing. Please! Just say something!! Don't force your sub to have to pull themselves out of that subspace so suddenly because they've realized that they have to be the one taking charge.