I see many stories of this but not really sure what aspects of FLR would appeal to a woman or how you could present it in such a way that she likes the idea and actually desires it? Any women able to weigh in on this?
My wife and I have been married 12 years and our marriage evolved into a FLR one naturally over time. At the start of our relationship I played the unnatural role of a sexual dominant. When we were very much in love and secure I confided to her that I desired submission. She around the same time came to understand that despite what society expected she was a dominant.
Our sexual D/s dynamic soon translated to all other aspects of our life. It was like an exhale for me — to give power in the relationship to her. I have admired her as frankly my superior from the start. She is smarter than me and vastly more emotionally intelligent. I trust her completely in the financial and life decisions she makes. She treats me kindly and always considers my views, but she is the decision maker in our relationship. I have ceded all major decision making to her and my role is very much one of service and support.
Our sex life does include cuckolding and chastity. That said, she never humiliates me. These are just wonderful symbols of my love for her, support, and placing her needs first. That is what brings me true happiness. It always has.
Now to the unexpected after years of happy FLR. Throughout our marriage, I have been the provider. Despite my submission at home, I’m an a very successful business man and very aggressive at work. I commanded an objectively high salary. My wife does however control the finances. I am irresponsible with money and I am much better hands with her as the decision maker.
Recently, though, my wife received a job offer that was incredible. She instantly started off making more than me and that has only increased. She is now a very high ranking executive at her company, much higher than I could ever hope for.
For the first time in our marriage I feel insecurity. Like I may have lost the last vestige of traditional masculinity. Cuckolding now feels different than before because I feel insecure. As does the many other emasculating acts she performs on me and that I do for her.
I am not proud of this. I had thought of myself as a more enlightened man that had cast off traditional gender roles in embracing a FLR. But, I can’t control the emotions this triggered.
My wife and I are currently actively discussing this and my emotions. She is incredibly supportive.
I am just posting for perspectives and experience around d this. Thanks!! No
I really like the situation I'm in, in today's society, it's not easy to really submit to a woman, you have to be brave to surrender completely and entrust your entire life to another person. Once the barriers of patriarchal education, humiliation, and the gaze of others have been overcome, it's so pleasant to submit to serve and let oneself be guided by the woman one loves.
This seems like it's going to be a long one, so buckle up. I finally re-confessed my feelings to my Princess last night. It went… not great. As I sit here writing this, I’m at work actively trying to hold back tears. But let me go back a couple of days just to paint the whole picture.
Last Friday, my Princess went on a girls' trip. She was set to return home early Monday morning. I was home alone all weekend and had my daughter at home with me. As a 10+ year chastity enthusiast, the first thing I planned on doing after she left was locking up. I’ve been dabbling in the kink again, and for a whole weekend, I was going to be attentive at home with my daughter and a bit of a horny mess at night. Now, let me be the first to say, it does feel strange being around her with the chastity on. She's only a toddler, but at times, it does cross my mind that my sexual desires may impact her. That makes me feel guilty, but I pressed on.
Friday night, I texted my Princess and let her know that I was wearing the chastity. Having stints of playing with it in the past, she understood all that meant. Her response was as expected: “Hey, I’m on a girls' trip, so I won't have time to entertain you, but you should keep it on.” Perfect! She knows what I’m doing, and she wants me to keep wearing it! Maybe she wants me to be thinking about her? Maybe she doesn’t want me masturbating while she's gone? I don’t care! She told me to keep it on! I felt on top of the world.
There was no mention of the cage for the entirety of her girls’ trip. In fact, I had gotten to thinking that she had either forgotten about it or hoped that I had gotten over it and taken it off. Truth is, I had it on the entire time, and I think she wished I had taken it off. It was now Monday night. She got home from her trip and recovery napped for half of the day. That night, after the kiddo went to sleep, I just flashed her a quick glimpse of the top of the cage. Just wanted (naively) to remind her that I was still wearing it in case she had forgotten. I don’t remember exactly what she did or said, but it was along the lines of an eye roll and “really?” Then, I wanted to show her something. I posted on Reddit about freezing my chastity key into an ice cube this weekend. I thought, “Why not show her the ice cube? Then she will know that I am serious about this and that I have stayed true to her.”
So I did exactly that. I grabbed it out of the freezer and walked over to her as it melted around my fingers.
“I want to show you something,” I told her. Whilst I held the ice cube in the air.
She looked at it, confused. I don’t think she had even the slightest clue why I wanted to show her some ice. So, I turned it around and showed her the side where the key was most clearly visible. That's when I realized things were not going to plan.
“Why are you crazy?” she said without a hint of interest.
“I don’t know. I’ve seen it online, and it seemed like a good way to handle the key while you were gone.”
And that was the end of that conversation, as I remember it. Was more said? Possibly. If it was, my brain wasn’t able to process it due to the mixture of shame and confusion I was feeling. I put it back in the freezer and went to the bathroom. I just sat in there and stared off into the distance as I tried to break down what I had just experienced. She did not seem excited. She seemed genuinely shocked. Maybe even upset. Why are you crazy?
Looking back on this, it seems obvious that I should’ve slammed on the brakes right then. Instead, I clung to hope and was likely in denial. I was contacted by a friend to play video games and ended up doing that for the rest of the night. Slept in my cage and wore it to work the next day. At work, I wrote my post from yesterday. In which I mentioned that “the problem is, she seems unenthusiastic about it. The emotional part of me is saddened by that, but the logical part of me is trying to figure out what went wrong and maybe even what I can do to make this successful,” (If you haven't, go back and read that post. The content from it is a crucial part of this story). After the ice cube incident, I was aware that she wasn’t embracing this as she had in the past. But I held onto so much hope and thought that I had come up with a brilliant way to frame this. In short, I would expect nothing from her. And she could expect anything she wanted from me. I love wearing my chastity, and would do anything for her just to stay in the damn thing.
So, after so many encouraging comments on yesterday's post, I decided fuck it. Now or never. I put the little one to bed, showered, made the bed, and waited for Princess to finish her shower. I always brush her hair out after the shower. So, that felt like the perfect opportunity to have this conversation. I would be actively servicing her, and we’d have 10 minutes at least to go over it. So I did exactly that.
“Hey, I want to talk to you about something,” I said with my heart on my sleeve and the brush in my hand.
“Ugh, why?”
Why are you crazy?
“I don’t know. I’ve just had something on my mind a lot recently, and I wanted to talk to you about it,” I tried to explain. “I want to be locked up for you again. I love the feeling that you’re in control, and I think I know how we might be able to frame this to make this ideal for you. You can give me a list of things you expect me to get done, and I’d be so attentive to you as a way to thank you for doing this f-”
“Hold on. Can I just stop you right there? I’m not into this anymore. After having our daughter, I just want to be done with all that stuff in the box (we have a sex box of kinky stuff from our early days). I just want to be a little family with you there to protect her and me. I want you to be dominant and just to enjoy vanilla sex,” she confessed with tears in her eyes. “I know how deeply rooted this desire is for you. I know you won’t just be able to get over it. I know that must feel really shitty for you. But it's just the way things are now. I’m not that same person anymore.”
I was taken aback. On one hand, I had just gotten a deeper and more emotionally weighted statement about her sexual desires from her than I had in a long time. On the other hand, I felt the chastity-loving part of myself being suppressed again. “I completely understand, baby. I need you to know that you are more important to me than any fantasy I may have. I am willing to do whatever it takes for you. So please understand that.” I shared. “Does it make you feel weird that I have been wearing this chastity all weekend while you are away?”
“Yes.”
“I am sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way. I have been working really hard on figuring out a way to make this as easy for you as possible. I had no expectations, and I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable,” I said reassuringly. “In fact, my whole plan to go about this was to make everything about you. I want you to feel no pressure. To feel like I am giving you everything you want.”
“You’re trying to do this for me?” she said unbelievingly.
“Yes, that's the whole idea! That’s what I want.”
“I don’t think you’re able to move past the fantasy,” she confessed.
“That's not true. So much has changed. Everything has changed. I was trying to frame this whole thing in a way that showed you that, but that's obviously not happening.”
“No. I know how deeply this goes for you. But the problem is that I am not the same person anymore. I don’t want you wearing that thing around our daughter, “ she said. What if the baby sees it? What if she remembers it? She thought, but said only with her facial expression.
That’s where the conversation ended. It wasn’t cold, and it wasn’t an argument. I told her that I’m thankful that we had the conversation and that we talked about a lot of important stuff. It's a good thing to have these conversations. After which, I went into the bathroom and took off my chastity. I stuffed it into the old box. I did use the spare key, and am now realizing the other key is in the freezer. As she makes her iced coffee today, I wonder what she will think when she sees it. Will she avoid the ice tray? Is she disgusted by me? I’m not sure. And I’m really stressed and nervous about what is going to happen next.
Will this make her not want to have vanilla sex with me? I told her during our conversation that my desire for her will NEVER change. I think she's the most beautiful person in the world. I have a primal attraction to her scent and her touch. I just happen to enjoy the feeling of wearing a chastity, and would prefer if she were holding the key (even if she locked it and forgot it). We ended up reading in bed last night and falling asleep with our legs crossed. That made me feel good because when she's upset with me, she will not allow any touch from me at any time. However, I did ask her for a kiss before bed, and she told me no. Citing that I smelled like the chips and guac I had been eating. So I got up, brushed my teeth, and read til I fell asleep. I never asked for another kiss.
Now today I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions. First thing when I woke up, I went on my phone. I had six notifications from Reddit of friendly people commenting and telling me that I was doing the right thing. These comments said it was refreshing to hear from someone who is trying to put their partner first and things like that. It felt like salt in a wound. Everyone thinks that I’m doing a good thing, except for the only person in my life who actually matters.
This morning I had a moment of frustration, and I feel guilty about it. I leave for work at 8. Usually, kiddo wakes up at 8:30-9, but today she was awake at 7:30. She's great at self-soothing and usually sits in bed singing or babbling for 30 minutes, no issue at all. So, I didn't immediately rush to get her. I had a thought that I’m not proud of. I thought, “If only Princess had said yes yesterday, then doing baby's morning routine whenever applicable would’ve been something I had promised to do.” I immediately knew that was one of those red flag thoughts. Those “woah wtf I didn’t mean that” thoughts. The last thing I want to do is punish her for saying no. For being honest with me. But I still had it anyway...
Driving to work, I found myself listening to Three Days Grace’s “Home” and “I Hate Everything About You.” Fortunately, I found myself NOT agreeing with the lines being sung. Still, the tempo and stress relief of listening to that genre felt good. Now, I’m at work. I’ve sat here pouring my heart out onto these pages. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this. Do I share it with Reddit? Do I share it with her? Both? A therapist? Idk, and I hate not knowing. I worry that I’ve made a significant impact on her, and it will affect us. I worry that she’ll be disgusted by me and not want to be intimate with me. I wonder if I’ll have to suppress my desires forever. It’s been 10 years since I first felt them, and they come and go in waves, but they’re just as strong as they were back then. It would be naive to think that I can just banish them. She knows that, too. So, will she maybe think it could be worth it just to hear me out and do a trial run? But then I feel guilty because I promised her I’d never make her uncomfortable. Would sharing this with her make her uncomfortable? Probably… But it's been really nice for me to write all this down. Unpacking. Am I supposed to go on treating her like nothing has changed? Probably. I mean, part of this whole journey was me saying, “I want to give you everything you want,” and I meant that. So, what will I do next? I plan to continue doing all my things the same as I was. Coffee, laundry, dishes, baby, be attentive. What can I change? I guess I can try to work on my masturbation issue. However, once daily isn’t too excessive, is it? It’s a safe space for me and something that's been wired into my brain for 15+ years. Luckily for me, I’m well-endowed and am very much interested in vanilla intercourse. Maybe I can stick solely to that kind of content if I do choose to do some self-play. After writing this, I just want to know if I should share this with her. It scares the shit out of me, but it also seems like a good idea. It’s honest. And to be honest, I don’t think that I made my point clearly enough last night.
I feel that I was cut a bit short and didn’t get to express myself fully. She seemed like she didn’t believe me when I said I wanted to do this for her. I also told her that I was almost trying to bribe her and would do whatever she wanted as a thank you. She seemed a bit disgusted by that. Is that disgusting? Selfish? I don't know. It doesn't feel that way. It feels genuine and thoughtful to me, but it wasn’t received that way. So did I miscommunicate? Or had she already made her mind up? She did say that she feels weirded out by me wearing it around our daughter. Totally understandable. And that her brain chemistry has changed post-pregnancy. That makes a ton of sense. In fact, those two things are what I see as the root of her unwillingness to become a keyholder again. She’s weirded out by it around the baby, and she’s no longer into the sex-toy side of things. 100% valid and 100% understandable.
But where does this leave me? What am I supposed to do about it? I took the cage off and put it away. I thought about offering to throw it away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I’m allowed to enjoy things too. I am allowed to have my desires. Even if she doesn't want to fulfill them, I will not pretend they don't exist. In that box is also a dildo. I love anal stimulation. I have for 10+ years, and I’m not going to pretend that I don’t. Funnily, I almost feel like an oppressed Victorian housewife who wants to express herself sexually but is held back by a husband who wants “a prim and proper housewife.” Is that a stretch? I don’t think so. I want toys in bed, she doesn’t. She wants a typical family dynamic, I do too, but with spice throughout it. That brings me to two things I want to talk about.
She said she wants me to be dominant. What does that mean? In general, I have a much higher libido than her. If I try to impress that upon her or initiate, I am usually shot down. This has happened enough times that I am shy about initiating. It sucks being shot down. Honestly, I would rather wait for her to fall asleep and then masturbate. If I’m shot down, I think she knows I’m going to do it, and that makes me embarrassed. So, she simultaneously doesn’t feel willing to match my libido, but she wants me to be dominant as well? She specifically said the word dominant. That’s an incredibly sexually charged word. I’ve dominated her in bed many times. But of late, we are more vanilla with sex. If that's what she wants, I will do it absolutely. Sounds like a grand ol’ time. I’m guessing she doesn’t want me to become a Christian Grey, but maybe small things? Idk. Maybe I am feeling the same thing she feels about my cage. “Yeah, you say you want that, but do you really mean it?” I will work on it.
She said that she wants a normal family dynamic. Is that mutually exclusive with chastity? Can we have both? I think we absolutely can. I’ve worn the cage enough that I can act as if it is not there. If she wanted to forget about it, she could. The only reminders would be if she wants to dance on me or brushes up against me. That's fucking heaven for a dude in a cage, but would that be hell for her? Would she be afraid to do those things? I think she doesn’t believe that I could wear the cage and not ask for any “entertainment” as she called it over text. But that hurts because I KNOW that I can. That’s the entire point that I was trying to get across. I didn’t get to make that point, and it sucks. Or maybe I did make that point, and she just couldn’t accept it. If I bring it back up, I think it will just upset her. Then I’d definitely be negatively impacting us. Someone mentioned honor-chastity to me. I should look into it. Maybe a future lies there with myself in honor-chastity at all times that baby is awake, and in real chastity after she goes to bed? That would align with my masturbation issue. Hmm…
What do I do? What do I do?
Why are you crazy? That one hurt.