As a Christian we’re always trying to be God honoring and appear that way. Unfortunately it makes it hard to talk about masturbation, let alone start the conversation. I’ve tried with a couple guys from my church, but they shut it down pretty fast. We all do it, I just am bummed we have to pretend that we don’t
Does anyone relate? Do you have a friend you’re open with?
When I was 18 or 19, going into college(a very conservative one) I was spending time at a friends house a lot and one day I was napping when the friends/their mom decided to go run an errand but left me to nap and the dad was in the office. He’d often given me back messages as well as the rest of his family but after they left, he came in and asked if I wanted a back massage and having already been attracted to him, of course I said yes. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed and began massaging my back, but his hands went farther than normal and grazed my hips and the sides of my breasts. God I was hot for him and still am and that moment was now almost 10 years ago. Growing up in a Christian home, this is so taboo but idc, it was sensual and hot af. I know it’s wrong to want this but I really enjoyed it.
Do people in your real life see you as very conservative/traditional? I think the contrast between being conservative in public and being lustful in private is interesting. As a pastor, people definitely tend to see me that way
Somehow I couldn't resist myself not to be naughty
In Luke 22:15 Jesus said, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you...." Few notice that the word "desire" here is the same word translated as "lust" in Matthew 5:28. Matthew 5:28 is the "go to" passage for those who teach that things such as sexually desiring another person or masturbation are always wrong. It says, "But I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." The word "lust" is also translated as "desire" in other places. It could be a good desire such as when it says, "Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a good thing" (1 Timothy 3:1). Obviously Jesus, Our Perfect Savior, was not sinning by "desiring" to eat the last supper.
But can desire be wrong at times too? Mere desire or lust isn't wrong in itself. The object of your desire along with what you're planning in your heart or what your desire leads you to do is what can make it wrong. In Matthew 5:28, the issue is coveting to steal (sexually speaking) another man's woman (or wife) without his consent (the word "woman" can just as easily be translated as wife). This same word is also used in the LXX (Greek Old Testament) when referring to "thou shall not covet" (Exodus 20:17). In that Old Testament passage it lists things not to covet: "anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Obviously you can desire to have some of the things that your neighbor has. In today's culture you could desire to have your neighbors lawn mower, desire to borrow it, or desire to buy it or own one like it for yourself. The problem is if your desire would lead you to steal it from him (or even if in your heart you would steal such from him if you could).
Desire or lust in itself is not wrong. Even sexually desiring another person can be completely fine and be a natural desire that is God given. Masturbating or looking at porn or finding another to be sexually beautiful can be fine. Of course, there can be abuse of such things and they can be inappropriate, sinful and harmful at times depending on the circumstances. But overall, this subject has been misunderstood and caused unnecessary guilt and unhealthy suppression that has harmed people!
Instead of feeling guilty just for having sexual desire and masturbating etc., we should be open with the Lord and in good conscious seeking His wisdom about moderation with these things. They can be used as a release of sexual tension and actually help one's Christian life and be God given gifts to enjoy. Or they can be harmful for others when done in a certain way. If you want to learn more about the myth that masturbation is always wrong or other Christian myths about sex, check out the book "40 Christian Myths about Sex" by Alex Williamson. Few other books have the balls to speak as boldly and biblically on this touchy subject and it has helped many people.
I have the dirtiest fantasies when I’m at church. I pick someone from the congregation and think about how hot it could get. I want to have an affair with an old married guy or seduce the priest
Will I always be this like sex obsessed
My wife has mentioned having a ffm a few times before, but we’ve never tired it. It’s something that I would love to do! Check out my profile and tell me your thoughts. DMs are open
Has your wife (or you as a woman) ever expressed interest in having a ffm? Has it happened? How did it come about? Who was it with? Has it changed your relationship?
Does your spouse know you’re on Reddit? What would their reaction be if they knew everything you’re viewing or discussing?
I'm kinda lost sometimes and emptiness is eating me so bad
Almost every Sunday I have a group of men from church over. We mostly just fellowship and play some cards and talk about life in a safe place. My wife will come down on occasion and bring us drinks or snacks and I’ve noticed several of the men checking my wife out. My wife has noticed it too and recently she admitted to fantasizing about wearing more and more revealing clothing and having them touching her and even recently she had a dream about being used by the whole group.
When we were married at 19, she became very vanilla with me although she cheated on me with her ex our first year of marriage. What could be the reasoning for her changing so drastically with her own husband?
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I've reached a place in my life where I'm ready to share my journey openly—a path that has woven together spirituality, sexuality, and the quest for authentic connection.
Childhood Beginnings
Even as a child, I questioned established traditions. Part of this skepticism manifested as an innocent fascination with nudity—both my own and others'. Before puberty, this curiosity felt pure and natural, without any of the complications that would later emerge.
When adolescence arrived, these innocent curiosities transformed into something more complex. Suddenly, desires that had felt natural were being labeled as "evil" by the religious community around me. This created a profound internal conflict—how could something so innate to me be wrong?
Faith and Questioning
My relationship with Jesus had been central to my life since childhood. I had walked with him, talked with him, and built my life around his teachings. Yet these newly labeled "evil" desires felt just as fundamental to who I was as my spiritual connection.
As I reflected on Jesus' teachings, I began to understand that his message wasn't about rules but about love. "Love your neighbor," "feed the poor"—these resonated because they reflected Jesus' fundamental nature. This led me to a question that haunted me: "How does consensual sex violate the law of love?" No traditional answer satisfied this inquiry.
Despite participating in countless purity culture events and wearing a purity ring for five years, this question remained unresolved in my subconscious.
Transformation and Shame
When I finally lost my virginity during a night of drinking, I felt deeply broken and worthless. Even my understanding of grace and forgiveness couldn't lift this weight.
Years later, my spiritual journey took an unexpected turn when I encountered a group of mystics who introduced me to a more radical, experiential understanding of Jesus. My perfect theology was upended as I began to see Jesus as the very embodiment of love itself. This mystical approach rekindled the childlike faith of my youth.
Yet the shame returned. Many in this new grace-focused Christianity still emphasized sexual purity, but I couldn't reconcile this with my fundamental question about love and consent. Without a framework to hold the tension between sexuality and spirituality, I trusted in the innocence of my question.
Exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy
As I continued my journey, I had several sexual experiences—some casual, some within relationships. Interestingly, I repeatedly found myself in unplanned group situations. My first sexual experience was in a threesome (MMF), and my first several encounters involved group play.
In my first long-term relationship, my fantasies about group play intensified. We decided to explore this dynamic together, with a commitment to evaluate its impact honestly. If it produced "bad fruit" in our relationship or the community, I would reconsider my path.
Our experiences revealed that while negative encounters weren't unheard of, the majority produced what I would call "good fruit"—expressions of connection, joy, and authenticity that felt spiritually nourishing.
Our first two experiences were with a couple nearly twice our age. We met at their cabin and spent hours talking, driving through the woods, and genuinely connecting. The intimacy felt holistic rather than merely physical—four humans connecting in innocence.
Another experience at a swinger party in Utah showed us the community's positive nature. We didn't engage sexually but enjoyed the naked hot tub with others. I was struck by the kindness and acceptance present, and found healing in discovering many participants were former LDS members working through similar religious trauma.
Our final experience was with another former LDS couple our age—genuine, down-to-earth people like everyone else we had met.
When this relationship ended, ethical non-monogamy wasn't the cause; in fact, it had been one of the healthier aspects. We simply weren't aligned spiritually, and I knew I couldn't build a family with that foundation.
Intellectual and Spiritual Integration
After these experiences, I sought intellectual frameworks that could help me understand what I had experienced philosophically and morally. Three books particularly helped ground my intuition:
"Divine Sex" by Philo Thelos
"Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox
"The Wee Wee Guide to Sensual Prophetic" by Matthew Fox
Through further research, I discovered that similar perspectives existed within esoteric frameworks of the early church before its integration with empire.
Current Relationship and Future
In my current 10-month long-distance relationship, I've found someone who is gradually meeting me where I am. After a previous relationship where sharing this part of myself went poorly, I was hesitant to be vulnerable again.
What's beautiful is how this relationship began: after posting a meme about my views on social media that went viral, a woman messaged me, and we quickly fell in love.
It took me six months to share my full story with her. Though initially startled, she remained open and contemplative. Four months later, she's genuinely exploring these ideas with me. We're enjoying the innocence of sexuality together, sharing photos, and experiencing healing.
There's still foundational work to do before we might connect with others, but we've both felt so much healing already that I'm optimistic about our future. In the meantime, I'd love to connect with other couples or individuals who are navigating similar journeys of faith and sexuality—perhaps for conversation, and who knows what else might develop.
I’m 25m and single. I’m sure being in my 20s has something to do with it…. But I’m just so horny constantly. I masturbate daily to manage, but these urges are so intense. I’m not into hookup culture (respect everyone’s choices) and feel masturbation really helps me instead. Women are just so beautiful, in a respectful sense. I know the Lord wired us this way, but it’s always a lot.
Does anyone else wish their attraction to the opposite sex would decrease, because of how strong it is? (It’s a weird question I know) Or does anyone else feel really horny all the time no matter what? Married or single
I just want to honor the Lord, and sometimes it feels like the way I was wired just works against me in that…
I’m a new christian and am nonbinary and bisexual and was wondering if there were any others like me here
Hey friends,
I’m an early-30s pastor, married almost seven years (together nine), fairly new dad, and I’m reaching out because I’m genuinely craving real community here. I love Jesus, I pastor in the church, and I’m also just a regular guy who masturbates almost every day. I enjoy porn a lot (especially authentic, self-made, positive-feeling stuff that doesn’t feel super staged or fake) and while I don’t carry heavy guilt about it, there’s still some tension I wrestle with.
My wife is my best friend and the person I’m closest to in every way. When we do have sex it’s passionate as fuck and deeply connecting, she’s down to explore fantasy, occasional shared porn, and she fully gets into it once we’re going. The real struggle is the libido mismatch. Early on (dating and the first couple years of marriage) she matched or even outpaced me, but it’s shifted hard. Now her interest feels minimal and super random. She’s shared that sex used to feel exciting before we were married because it was “taboo,” but marriage took that edge off. Plus early marriage we were in ministry housing where privacy was basically nonexistent (people could hear us and make comment), and that messed with things for her. Her body also changed; certain things that used to drive her wild (like nipple play) now feel too sensitive and actually hurt if she’s not already turned on. Trying to build things up romantically sometimes works, but other times it backfires and she gets frustrated, telling me everything leads to sex, which leaves me feeling pretty undesired. She can go weeks without initiating and only engage after real effort on my part, then suddenly be all in at the most random, inconvenient moments. The randomness is honestly exhausting, but once we connect it’s fire.
On top of all that, I’ve got this honest, ongoing desire for more sexual experiences, both mine and hers. It’s about sharing each other with another woman, man, or couple. I like the idea of watching her have sex with someone else or her fucking someone else, and me fucking someone else with her there. I also like the idea of us sexting and digitally playing with other people, just opening things up a bit while still being fully committed to each other in an exclusive way. It has nothing to do with not being attracted to or excited by my wife; she’s still my best friend and the person I’m closest to. We’ve actually talked about it, and when she’s sexually engaged she enjoys fantasizing about it during sex, she’s even brought up watching me with another woman. A while back she had a brief one-month stint posting herself on Reddit and sexting there, which was really exciting, but it was short-lived. If her libido were more consistent, I think it would be easier to explore this together, but for now it mostly lives in my head as fantasy.
I'm here simply hoping to connect with other believers (especially other pastors but I'm open to talking with anyone) who are walking these same messy roads: high sexual drive, regular porn and masturbation, libido differences in marriage, and those fantasies about opening things up. Guys, girls, couples—anyone who loves Jesus and serves in the church but deals with this stuff. No pearl-clutching, no instant judgment. Just a real space to talk openly, vent, swap stories, and maybe find some encouragement.
If any of this hits home, drop a comment or slide into the DMs. I’m all ears.
Just a regular dude who happens to wear the pastor hat, looking for others who get it.
Just wondering as I don't seem to have any friends in that space that also are church goers.
I'm down for a chill vibe but also religious on the other side
Is there anyone here who is married and fantisizes about cheating...even if you haven't done it? Specifically interested in the opinion of Christian women. I think I know the answer for most men, but you are certainly welcome to chime in.
I sometimes think about how nice it would be to have a casual relationship with another married church/ Christian woman. Maybe we aren't getting everything we want at home so we find excitement with each other.
I have been dealing with guilt about wanting to transition for… almost 20 years I guess at this point. I’m in my mid-30’s, married for 12 years, with three kids, and I’ve been actively hiding my desires for just about 10-11 years. When I was younger I explored a little, but got scared and and didn’t understand, so ran from it. But then as an adult and with a family, I felt the urges return and I understood them and began exploring. I was outed a few years ago, almost breaking my family, and I tried to move past it again. Well, here I am with a lot more confidence that I’m stuck wanting to be one version of me, while having to live as another.
I guess my question is how can I pursue this without losing everything? How do I get explore this version of me? Are there people out there with any advice on the subject?