I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore
So I’ve been dabbling in diapers since I was 19 and now I’m 31.
I’ve considered myself at one time or another a Diaper lover, a Sissy diaper lover, an Adult baby, A submissive, a dom, a switch…
I’ve looked at Abdl as super sexual I’ve looked at it as nurturing mental health. I’ve gone to a therapist about it. I’ve even tried to talk to a kink consultant about its… my sexual identity has had some tied to the Abdl aspect of life..
when I was a virgin diapers were a sexual escape (like a toy)
As I got older and I could wear more then it became more of a mental reset( I’m undiagnosed ADHD.. maybe on the spectrum according to some.. and my Brain moves 10000000 miles a minute .. in a diaper as a little it seems to slow down) but it can still be sexual (don’t feel right changing without a little humping in my diaper)
I’ve worn cheap diaper like depends and medical supply diapers. I’ve worn expensive ones like rearz and tylables. I’ve tried boosters and I’ve worn goodnites. I tend to never go without if I ever want them. (Amazon will sell 2packs for 12-20$ it’s usually not worth it when a pack is 30-40$ but in a pinch or you wanna try a brand you never had it’s great)
My favorite right now are these sunkiss ones they’re plain white and hold a lot .. like a lot a lot
I’ve gotten on fetlife telegram Kik I’ve been spent nights on omegle video chat trying to meet people like me. Some of these places have little groups where they get together and hangout.. (I’ve never been because I’m not really sure maybe someone can help me figure that out)
I’ve made friends at least one or two… one is really far away and one is a lot closer than I thought.
Still have yet to physically hangout with either of them in “little space”
I’ve paid for professional services, but I’ve never been to a munch or event like capcon.
I’ve worn out in public discreetly. ( hiding under my boxers and jeans with an oversized hoodie over top.) I’ve worn out in public no so discreetly (I’ve worn a onesie and overalls to the state park with a fully loaded diaper.. no one was there so it’s cool)
I’ve told my partners about this side of me and some have been chill about it. (One of was very respectful about it all) One was disgusted ( a lot of mean things were said and it made me feel really bad) and one is accepting of it but doesn’t want to be involved because it’s not her cup of tea.(I can respect that because some people like feet and I don’t .. it’s a weird connection but it makes sense to me)
I’ve made up rules for myself to respect my relationship ..
No diaper changes (yes Abdl can be sexual for anyone who is involved so to avoid that kind of situation I change myself)
No diapers to work. ( depending on the job I have I don’t want to jeopardize my employment. ( a warehouse where I have to work 10-13 hours with no real time for the bathroom is fine, but working in a public building with children not so much)
Never force this upon anyone ( this is taboo even in the world of kink.. so ask permission )
Boundaries… (if one is set always respect it)
Don’t mess… on purpose. ( considering I clean myself up it’s really hard to clean up a messy diaper .. it’s better to just not make it )
Have I broken my own rules.. ABSOLUTELY
But sometimes rules are meant to be broken and sometimes they need ratification…
Right now I’m in a state of mind where I wear when I want and I don’t really belong to any groups I don’t have the money to pay for a professional experience and the timing of events are always hard to make due to work and life..
I don’t know if this is who I am or if it’s what I want.
There are these moments I want to go to the event. I want to wear a diaper proudly and just show it off. Sometimes I want a big to become my friend and take me to the zoo while I’m in little space and let me see and feel the world as a toddler again. If I had the money I would book a session with a professional ( but then I have to remember they don’t really care about me… the stripper only likes you because you put the money on the bar)
I’ve been told a lot of shit in this community.
Somethings are kind and encouraging
(It’s okay to be this way, it helps you and you need to love yourself)
I’ve been told not so nice things
(You’ll never be able to be in a normal relationship unless your partner is 100% into too because if they’re not you’re going to screw up your relationship)
I’ve debated on quitting and to some degree I do go on my sabbaticals and don’t indulge I tend to find my way back to it in some way shape or form.
I’ve noticed when I do take a break the second o see someone about it like here on Reddit I start to want it again.. (guess out of sight out of mind really is a thing)
But anyways
I guess this is who I am and I guess this is what I like .. I don’t need to know all the answers right now, but it would be cool to talk about it directly