u/throwawayrnm02

So I decided to get a dildo because every time I masturbate I feel a sort of lack and not truly satisfied. I’ve had my vibrator, my first toy ever, for two years and it’s just not cutting it anymore (maybe it did for very briefly in the beginning).

But I’m not very good at inserting anything, I can barely fit two fingers and it always feels weird, momentarily good but most times weird.

I’m just wondering if there’s any tips on how to properly use a toy like that? Ik that virginity is a construct but I’m so afraid of my hymen breaking (if I have one) and bleeding a lot. I’m also wondering if there’s a website where I can get informed/get actual guides on how to use a dildo for the first time ever since I’m so nervous. I have lube and I have my vibrator but honestly I’m so scared (excited too)

I’m all over the place, hope I’m making sense!

Hi! I’m not on my phone rn so I apologize in advance if the format is confusing it’s just I need to tell someone/get this off my head😥

Soo I’m asking here the above question because my relationship with my mentor, if you can call it that, confuses me a lot. I’m 23F and he is early-40s-M. I was his student a few years ago (in college) and excelled in the two classes he taught me. Since I transferred to another college, we’ve kept in touch, we have mutual friends (bc I’m friends with most of the department faculty at my previous college). It’s been years (2 years-ish) of what I consider friendship: coffee dates, maybe go out and eat, catch up, etc. He pays for everything. Even if he travels far away, he always brings me a souvenir or candles or candies or any gift, which I appreciate but sometimes when he doesn’t let me return that favor it makes me feel sort of like I owe him. I know it’s probably nothing intentional, but…

Up to this year, I considered him to just be my mentor and friend: he’s written me recommendation letters and I’ve returned that same favor, we’ve attended cultural/academic local events together. It’s no exaggeration: I have my fellowship because he let me know about it and otherwise I wouldn’t know about it: that being said, most of the credit goes to me because I am qualified, but still.

So, it was all okay for years. But then, I told my close friends (2 girls) about it and both of them seem to think he has a secret crush on me.

Friend 1 thinks that he’s interested in me because ”why else would he gift me so many things and do me so many favors” And how he’s “recently divorced and you’re also single” Tbh, and I love Friend 1, but she’s only had one night stands and is a bit of a pick me, so I’m not completely sure. But something in what she said just made me self-aware and self-reflect on the whole mentor relationship, if you can call it one.

Friend 2 also has had negative experience with men. Though, her logic is at least more reasonable: “why would an older man seek out a younger woman that is a decade and. Some years older than her?” And also that “men and women can’t be friends” At first I thought she was maybe exaggerating, but as far as I’m concerned I’m the only 20-something-girl who hangs out with him.

I also adore Friend 2, but I’ve had guy friends who have had crushes on me, and also guy friends who didn’t: genuinely, I think men and women can be friends.

I should mention that my mentor has never and I mean never been disrespectful: he’s super encouraging, has never been inappropriate, we share similar values and same academic field, etc. Though I don’t know the reasons for his divorce (I haven’t dared to ask) I genuinely think he’s a good person. Both the faculty/staff at my former college and actual college have only nice things to say about him.

And, to be honest: sometimes I feel like maybe he is extra good to me because he knows I struggled a lot. Literally, I was kicked out when I was his student and had to tell him, then again this year, etc.

I’m currently in a more stable situation, but that being said, maybe in my head I want to predict/correlate his nice behavior to any possible future of being hurt? Also, maybe: could it be that I have both mommy and daddy issues and I cling onto any authority/older figure for security?

I’m just so confused and I hope to get any answer on here! I know I’m smart but I still need to know from outside people/people with more experience