I need some advice or confirmation
So, formerly a dead bedroom husband, but I FINALLY, was able to express to her that sex wasn't just about SEX, it was about feeling appreciated, loved, and being DESIRED. Good Dads, providers and genuine best friends still need to feel wanted by their wives. I got through after years of the conversation turning into fights that only made things worse. So that's a success I guess. We sort of negotiated really putting an effort into once a week. It worked and the once a week is pretty much a given now.
I lost weight, worked out, dressed better, took care of my appearance, smelled good, became more thoughtful and helpful, took over the shopping and cooking, to the point we don't go out much anymore because it's just an expensive disappointment. When we were not having sex I studied how to really please a woman, so if/when I got the opportunity, it was epic. I learned a lot, and she REALLY enjoys it, four to five+ orgasms each time. Now I basically have to do the exact foreplay and playbook. She doesn't tell me too or anything, but she takes no initiative other than to give me the signal that yes I'm open to having sex, then it's basically "PROCEED." I know, it's kinda funny, but it feels that way now. Sometimes I have to kinda fluff myself beforehand and during because I'm working so hard to make her happy.
So now, I get sex weekly, but my argument that it "isn't just the act" has backfired because now it is, I get 10 or 15 minutes of "now it's your turn" to bang away and finish. I'm extremely grateful to not be in the dead bedroom situation, but I'm not exactly feeling desired and appreciated and loved. It's never about desiring me, it's turned into I guess, he wants sex once a week and he's getting it.
I was ok with this for a while because it did make me feel better, I was grateful, and we are closer and better connected. But it's not a give and take. It sort of came to a head the week of our anniversary. We did the playbook on a weekday morning on our anniversary. Pretty awesome, weekdays are typically off limits. Then a few days later I tried on a regularly scheduled weekend day and kinda got shut down. It just wasn't the right time, no biggie. So, I playfully mentioned it later in the day and she said "we just did a few days ago." So now I'm back to not a dead bedroom, but a not to exceed, once a week limit. Depressing...
I don't know whether to breach the subject and tell her how I feel and legitimately potentially mess up all the work I have put in to get to where we are now, or just suck it up. I don't do well with the "suck it up" thing, I'll just get depressed and pissed, but am I genuinely asking for too much? Why do I feel like this is not too much to ask? We're in our late 40s, am I looking for something that only married 20 and 30 year olds have? I really don't know. Maybe I'm lucky as hell. Please let know what you think.