u/Foxxx-in-socks

My husband (u/wifeneedsbigone30) and I have been in the lifestyle for 3 years now (before which we were toying with the idea for over 10 years), and we have learned a lot… we see a lot of posts on here asking for advice on the various steps of the journey (how it was introduced, how to move from fantasy to reality, and then what reality is really like)... so we figured we’d make a “his and hers” perspective series of posts, sharing our journey and offering some advice along the way. So, here’s how it all began, written by each of us from our own perspectives.

Of course everyone’s experience, goals, and desires are different… this is just our story, and we acknowledge that yours might be way different 🙂

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THE CATALYST

>>>Her perspective 
There was one, particular moment that catalyzed all of this. One offhanded comment. We had been dating for a little under two years at this point. We had a bunch of friends over and were all relaxing over some drinks. My now-husband walked away to use the bathroom, while the ladies all gossiped about everyone’s past sex experiences. When hubby came back into the room, he walked in to me saying to the girls, about my first ever sexual partner, “He was so big!” Everyone giggled. 

I literally thought nothing of this; it wasn’t meant to be insulting to him… I was just chatting with my girlfriends like we always do. I’m an open book with my friends typically, so it was normal for me to talk about past sexual experiences like this. But when I looked over at my husband, I saw that I had clearly struck something in him… turns out he was absolutely destroyed by my comment.

>>>His perspective
My face went white. I felt like being pantsed in front of a large auditorium. I was mostly angry and confused. 

I was a few years older than her and had a lot of experience and partners, much more than her. My sex life was always fairly wild. Even if I exclude Foxxx, I probably have enough content for a book.

When I met her, I felt like I’d finally met someone who could not only keep up but also challenge me. We were insatiable and having the hottest sex I’d ever had in my entire life almost every single day, multiple times per day.

Her comment was like getting hit in the dick by a sledgehammer. “You aren’t the best.” Is how I took it. “And I did have awesome sex with other guys too.”

Huge hit to the ego. I was shattered. But, after a lot of candid conversations, we kinda just got past it (mostly) and moved on. 
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THE DAWN OF THE FANTASY

>>>His perspective
We were seemingly past what should have been a nothingburger, really. Things carried on as normal, but she didn’t realize I’d been brainwormed by it. It was something I just couldn’t shake. I’d recall how I used to hold her and say things like, “Baby, isn’t it amazing how you found your perfect fit?” And it now felt ridiculous after what she had said.

One day, I just drove to a nearby upscale adult store – the kind with actual sales people in nice clothes and heels lol. I had them help me find the most realistic dildo line available. “Great! What’s the biggest size?” I asked. And I walked out the proud owner of a new Vixskin Outlaw, some overpriced lube, and headed back home.

I had to see for myself what actually happened when she took a big one…

I didn’t really know how she’d react when I broke it out the first time.

I also didn’t know how I’d react. I had very mixed emotions. LIke what if this makes me mad? Or crushes me all over again? But I had to know.

>>>Her perspective 
It was a normal night of us sliding into bed together, when he pulled it out… this massive dildo. “What do you think?” he asked me. I honestly just laughed… “Funny joke babe! I can’t believe you wasted money on that thing!” At this point, all we had ever played with was a small bullet vibrator, and he got jealous about it lol.

“Think you can take it?” he smiled sheepishly.

“You really want me to? I’m not sure I can…” I thought this was all ridiculous at this point, like a funny experiment or something. I’m a petite woman and almost felt embarrassed at the thought of trying to take that in front of him. What was he trying to do here?

“There’s only one way to find out… I think it would be fun to watch you try.”

Well, long story short… I could, in fact, take it, and it turns out.. I really enjoyed it. Like, more than I thought. More importantly though, I reallllly enjoyed the look on my husband’s face as he watched me with it, his jaw dropping in awe as I enjoyed every inch. We’d had a lot of amazing sex at this point, but I had NEVER seen that look on his face. It made me feel so hot, having him watch me in such a vulnerable state with something like that… but also, it made me feel.. Bad? Like I had cheated on him or something? Even though it was his idea and he was right there with me… I honestly felt a weird mix of “ohhh this might be fun” and “oh no, I don’t want to make my husband mad by getting more pleasure from this than I do with him.” I could tell he had mixed feelings too… but I’ve also never seen him so turned on. And the way he fucked me after? What the. 

>>>His perspective
It was the hottest thing I had ever seen in my life. Watching it slide in and out, the look on her face, her reactions, and how she stared into my soul as it was happening. She could tell how turned on I was, and it was clearly elevating her own. We tapped some new levels of pleasure that day that neither of us had ever experienced. And it was obvious, some door had just been opened.

Though neither of us knew exactly where that door led.

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OUR TAKEAWAY/ADVICE
The ways people find themselves into this place are so varied and fascinating. We all share a catalyst of sorts though, and if you’re here, I’m sure you have your own.

I think the next step is where it gets interesting. Obviously, the introduction of toys is what worked for us, and we’ve talked to so many people that started the exact same way. At the time for us, it was still The Dildo™ and would remain that way for a while.

For others, introducing a dildo was a mutual way to start leaning into an actual MFM, Hotwife, or whatever role play scenario after having discovered their interest in it. We weren’t there yet.

There are so many different paths. We personally think kink quizzes are a great way to open the conversation if you’re at square one. You take them separately, share results, laugh at them, but also open up some really fun conversations without all the pressure of being like “Yo, I want to see you take a dick” or “Yo, I want to fuck other dudes.” One of our favorite things about all of this is how while it’s all hot, it’s equally hilarious at times.

But this is a critical stage. We ended up more or less living in it for a very long time (years). Some couples may be able to progress faster. And some may stay here. That’s fun too!

Just always be riding the same wave. Especially when you start considering moving from fantasy to reality… but that’s a post for another time :)