u/FantasticPlay3941

my balls are so blue right now, they're actually aching! the last time I was allowed a release (ruined) has been over 4 weeks ago at this point!

A bit of a different post today—more personal than usual.

I’ve been thinking for some time on where some of my kinks might have actually started, and I keep coming back to a weird set of childhood memories.

When I was around 7–10 (don’t remember exactly), my mum took me to the doctor multiple times because she was worried about my development. What stuck with me is that she’d openly compare me to my slightly older cousin and point out that I was “smaller.” Mind you, the doctors always brushed it off and said everything was normal, that I’d grow out of it.

At the time, I didn’t really process it. But looking back now… it feels like that might’ve been the seed. Being compared like that, feeling “less than” before I even understood what it meant—it kind of stuck.

I’ve never talked about this with anyone except my wife, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is where a lot of my later feelings around inadequacy and eventually my kinks started. Like I didn’t just develop them randomly.

That said, I’m in a very different place now. I’ve accepted this part of myself, and I’m lucky to be able to explore it openly within my dynamic with my wife, which has made a huge difference.

Curious if anyone else has had something similar—like a random childhood experience that, in hindsight, clearly shaped what you’re into now?

A bit of a different post today—more personal than usual.

I’ve been thinking for some time on where some of my kinks might have actually started, and I keep coming back to a weird set of childhood memories.

When I was around 7–10 (don’t remember exactly), my mum took me to the doctor multiple times because she was worried about my development. What stuck with me is that she’d openly compare me to my slightly older cousin and point out that I was “smaller.” Mind you, the doctors always brushed it off and said everything was normal, that I’d grow out of it.

At the time, I didn’t really process it. But looking back now… it feels like that might’ve been the seed. Being compared like that, feeling “less than” before I even understood what it meant—it kind of stuck.

I’ve never talked about this with anyone except my wife, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is where a lot of my later feelings around inadequacy and eventually my kinks started. Like I didn’t just develop them randomly.

That said, I’m in a very different place now. I’ve accepted this part of myself, and I’m lucky to be able to explore it openly within my dynamic with my wife, which has made a huge difference.

Curious if anyone else has had something similar—like a random childhood experience that, in hindsight, clearly shaped what you’re into now?

A bit of a different post today—more personal than usual.

I’ve been thinking for some time on where some of my kinks might have actually started, and I keep coming back to a weird set of childhood memories.

When I was around 7–10 (don’t remember exactly), my mum took me to the doctor multiple times because she was worried about my development. What stuck with me is that she’d openly compare me to my slightly older cousin and point out that I was “smaller.” Mind you, the doctors always brushed it off and said everything was normal, that I’d grow out of it.

At the time, I didn’t really process it. But looking back now… it feels like that might’ve been the seed. Being compared like that, feeling “less than” before I even understood what it meant—it kind of stuck.

I’ve never talked about this with anyone except my wife, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is where a lot of my later feelings around inadequacy and eventually my kinks started. Like I didn’t just develop them randomly.

That said, I’m in a very different place now. I’ve accepted this part of myself, and I’m lucky to be able to explore it openly within my dynamic with my wife, which has made a huge difference.

Curious if anyone else has had something similar—like a random childhood experience that, in hindsight, clearly shaped what you’re into now?

My wife is definitely stepping up her game... She just placed an online order for a chastity cage, a 9" black dildo and a 17" double ended dildo.

As a brief overview, i've been PF for the past 2 years, go down on my wife daily, while I only get release about once a month give or take, and it's always ruined. The only 2 toys we have so far are 2 smaller vibes. Seeing her place this order got me all excited for the future!

My wife is definitely stepping up her game... She just placed an online order for a chastity cage, a 9" black dildo and a 17" double ended dildo.

As a brief overview, i've been PF for the past 2 years, go down on my wife daily, while I only get release about once a month give or take, and it's always ruined. The only 2 toys we have so far are 2 smaller vibes. Seeing her place this order got me all excited for the future!

A few days ago I wrote this post on where we're at in our FLR. That post detailed mostly the different ways that I serve her on a daily basis. I'm now writing this to follow up on that, and give more details about her discipline and the ways she enforces her authority.

As I discussed in my last post, my wife is a big believer in consequences and in holding accountability for one's actions. She also has a 'mean' streak which she uses to come up with different ways to punish, humiliate and emasculate me. This is something I personally always enjoyed, and recently she's grown to love it too, and has become quite good at it!

We also have a weekly maintenance session, which is used to reinforce her dominance on me, and keep me in my sub space.

Basically, our weekly maintenance session goes as follows:

1. Weekly discipline session on Thursday night after we put our daughter to bed. In this session I'm completely naked and must spend all evening beneath her. This means that I have to crawl to move around. Since January this year, I've also been made to wear a pink lace thong panty for our weekly session. Most times she's wearing her strapon during our discipline session.
2. During this session I must first recap my week for her, and list things which I did not do well or could have done better, and indicate what I will do to make it better next time, and to make it up to her.
3. This is then followed up with 25 spanks from her paddle as part of her weekly maintenance session. In case of any infringements during the week, this gets increased accordingly.
4. Each spank must be counted by myself and I'm also made to thank her for disciplining me.
5. Apologise to her for having a small 4" dick and for not being able to pleasure her, and thank her for keeping my pussy free and for letting me go down on her.
6. If she's feeling extra dominant, she might also spit in my mouth or slap my face.
7. She then first has me suck on her strapon while I keep eyecontact with her, then she proceeds to peg me for about 15 minutes. I often start leaking while I'm getting pegged, which I then have to clean up.
8. This is all accompanied by a lot of verbal humiliation and emasculation.
9. After all this she takes off her strapon, sits on the sofa and I go down on her till she has multiple orgasms and eventually asks me to stop.
10. I must then crawl back to bed and spend the night sleeping at her feet rather than by her side.

Whenever I'm allowed a ruined orgasm, this generally takes place in our Thursday night miantenance session. However, this only happens around once a month, give or take (sometimes less than that), and its usually also in a degrading way, followed by immediate clean up of my cum.

The above is our thursday night routine. Occationally, she adds other humiliating tasks to the routine depending on her mood, any infringments during the week from my end etc. This may include additional spankings from her paddle, eating her ass, drinking her piss and other degrading tasks she might come up with.

I understand this might seem 'too much' in the eyes of some people, however, this is not something that has developed overnight, but something that has developed over years in the FLR lifestyle. It also really helps me remain grounded and in my subspace.

I hope some others in the lifestyle can relate to what I wrote above. Would love to get to know what differences others have in the way they practise their FLR and their discipline.

Thank you for taking the time to read through it all!

D