r/m4trans

https://preview.redd.it/9iy826oxdcvg1.jpg?width=959&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e406ee3b5b727f1fe541c985453c4e09840aec32

Looking for my first

Massachusetts

(I am looking for a conversation or a connection; this is not a roleplay prompt!)

A warm dinner on the table, ready for my husband for when he returns from work; a quiet, rainy evening spent passionately discussing this or that by the candlelight; a lazy Sunday morning as sunshine wakes me and I find myself embraced by his strong, muscular arms, before I get up to ready myself for the day and prepare a lovely breakfast for us both. His strength and my delicateness. The contrast between masculinity and femininity; his tall, hairy, sculpted body, and the soft, lovely, timid one of my own. His role of a provider, protector, leader, mine being to nurture, support, care.

There is something truly beautiful about the interplay of masculine and feminine in a traditional monogamous marriage. Defined roles, both partners fulfilling their duties to one another out of love and devotion, upholding the traditional dynamic between a man and a woman not as a manifestation of some sort of a fetish or a BDSM dynamic, not at all, because it isn't about that - but out of a shared belief that these roles are right and that we both do what we are most fit to, out of a shared vision for life and marriage and a future in common for us both. One where a man may have the last word and is the head of the household, but where his woman remains the valued other half of their marriage, her domain being the private sphere.

Despite having once had certain more liberal leanings, I still couldn't bring myself to hate this arrangement, thinking it to be perhaps overtly traditional and anachronic, yet something that makes sense on its own terms. And paradoxically, it was my turn towards more conservative values which influenced my realisation that I am a woman; some may see a conservative, right-wing worldview as incompatible with this choice, but I don't agree. I see the opposite in myself - I embraced progressive values and conceptions of self to subconsciously protect myself from realizing my womanhood, to be able to tell myself that it is alright to want to be a feminine man, to not fulfill my part in that beautiful, traditional dynamic... But I can't no longer. I don't want that inbetweenness - and because I am not fit to be the protector and provider, and have ever since searched deep in myself and admitted my own feminine disposition, personality and mentality, I can dream of becoming that half of the dynamic for which I am predisposed.

As many other things, it is, of course, easier than it sounds. I remain closeted and it is exactly a certain fear of rejection by my family and acquaintances which has so far prevented me from taking the first concrete steps to the new me; some would not accept my femininity, others my choice of a lifestyle. Yet I keep on dreaming, and often, "He" begins to appear in my dreams. "He" is a fantasy, I admit - the man who would see potential in me and who'd do everything in his power to help me become the woman of my dreams and the wife of his dreams, despite my doubts and all the practical difficulties. A man truly masculine enough to make me feel like a woman even before my transition, a man so confident and assertive to help me get over my shyness and worries and bloom into a flower, a man who is, perhaps, older and more established in life - it is likely better for it to be that way if I am yet to become fully myself. It sounds good to have that push and that supportive shoulder, the rock on which to rest... And for which to care.

But, well, indeed - I realize that is an unrealistic fantasy, a dream; a stereotypical prince on a horse to whisk me away... If you've read my ramblings up to this point, what do you think? Is it wrong to create such a man in my imaginations? I am of two minds, because on one hand, it is a certain image in my mind which gives me a taste of the possible future, even if imaginary, and motivates me to not want to stay passive and idle and not take my life into my own hands... On the other, however, it feels like escapism and a subtle way to defer responsibility to someone who doesn't even exist, and through that prolong and perhaps set in stone this idleness and indecisiveness. Although perhaps he can exist? Who knows?

I'd be happy to see your message, hear your view on things; especially what you think about the likelihood of a conservative right-wing masculine man even choosing someone like me. Have you heard about any such relationships near you? Is it wrong to keep up this hope, even if it may be escapism? I'd love to hear about you and what you have to say.

looking forward to make connection with trans women...and lets see where thing go

Looking for a nice lady to play with sometime. Lets start off online, trade pics and vids and then talk about in person