26F(F4M) Craving soulful intimacy and meaningful conversations that feel like home 🏠
I haven't been able to sleep, at all. My mind is preoccupied with so many thoughts. I deeply crave being held. Being loved. Having some of my affection, nurturing and care reciprocated. I feel lonely and lack intimacy of any kind in my life. I've always been that way. Guarded, defensive and protective of my heart. Even the thought of someone coming closer to crushing it shatters me.
I haven't even had my first kiss yet. Yep. I find it hard to swallow how modern day porn correlates and confuses violence to love and abuse and teaches men and women that pain and control is intimacy. What about the intimacy of looking into someone else's eyes, or holding hands? Of sitting on their lap and burying your face deep in their chest, allowing yourself to melt in someone's embrace? Of having deep soulful conversations and peeling away layers that keep hindering a deeper union? I don't understand how and why my heart yearns for something so profound.
For as long as I can recall, I've been lonely. Sometimes, wondering if my parents were quarreling and whether I needed to step in to mediate the issue. Other times, hoping there was someone who'd step in and step up for me, wipe my tears away and ground me when I needed love and reassurance the most.
It's a weird feeling to long for something you've never had. I long for love. Reassurance. Positive affirmations. A sense of security. I crave profound intimacy. The intimacy of someone actually listening to you with empathy, the intimacy of finally letting the guard down and letting someone in. It's the best kind of intimacy out there.
I feel lonely, and can't stop my mind from wandering here, there and everywhere. If you'd like to keep me company (preferably on an anonymous voice call, reach out to me). Thank you for reading it till the end.