I'm going to test the waters with my son and his friends again (M18)
If you read my other post, I know this decision is going to sound like complete idiocy, and you're probably right, but I can't let go of what happened and what I did.
I try to come to my senses every night, but I always end up surrounded by the memories of my son and his friends passing around me while they kiss me and play with my breasts. I was simply going crazy to the point of having to confess what I did to my sister so I would have someone to talk to about it.
She's a disgusting pervert and reacted exactly as I thought she would, but I still think she has a point with what she said. I had drunk quite a bit, and I have a long history of drinking and then doing crazy things that I often don't even remember.
I've felt so guilty for feeling like I enjoyed what happened, but my sister is right that maybe I just drank too much, that's all. So I decided to put myself in a similar situation again, but without alcohol. If I don't feel like doing that crazy thing again, then I'll just go with the flow and there's nothing wrong with me.
If not, and I end up kissing all of them again, I'll have to start accepting this terrible side of myself. Anyway, I won't know if I don't try.
I told my son to invite his friends over... the same ones as last time, for tomorrow afternoon, and I'm trying to muster the courage to face the reality of this part of me, whatever it may be.
That said, I promised myself that if the guys leave me topless again and we start kissing, it will be the same as last time: touching and licking my breasts, kissing and touching my upper body, nothing more. It's a boundary I'm very clear about.
My sister convinced me to post this to put pressure on myself not to back down.
I'll ask you to wish me luck, but I think you all want to see me fail, so please don't!