I walked in on my son touching himself and told him he didn't have to stop while I stayed in his room. I think I just ruined my life.
Hey there. I've been panicking a bit lately because I did something out of character and now I can't take it back. I'm SO anxious about it now. I walked into my 19 year old son's room (I'm 45) to give him a pile of his laundry and I walked into him touching himself while looking at his phone. He quickly threw his blanket over him and tried to act natural but it was obvious what he was doing. I told him I was giving him his clothes back and he thanked me for doing his laundry. He was acting strange like he didn't know if I knew what he was doing or not and didn't know if he should address it or not. I decided not to ignore the elephant in the room and told him that I know what he was doing but that its fine. He gave me a little mumble as a response.
So I really dont ever talk like this but I was just depressed that day and lonely and I didn't care about anything. I said "You can keep going. It's fine" as nonchalant as possible. He didn't say anything back. He mustve thought I meant when I left and was probably confused why I was still here. I definetly needed to leave it there but then I grabbed his blanket, told him I should wash this next, and dragged it off him. He went "Mom! What..." and tried to cover himself. I knew he was probably not wearing pants but I genuinely thought in the moment that if I pretended it wasn't a big deal then it didn't have to be one. I said "Oh my gosh. Its. Fine. Just relax." I knew this was an awkward moment I was forcing onto us but I acted almost offended as if he was being unreasonable. He face got really red and... I feel bad looking back. I don't want to upset him ever.
I told him, "Honey, just keep going! Its alright." I was being really pushy at this point. I know this is an ABSURD thing to say. Its just been a while and... idk. I don't look at him and instead start putting his clothes in his dresser. Usually he is the one that does that but I wanted to do it this time. I started to hear his shirt rustle and his breath getting heavier and my heart starts skipping so many beats. It felt really uncomfortable to look at him but I knew that he was doing what I told him to do. It was just SO cute listening to his breathes. I really really liked listening as I put his clothes away. I gave him a few quick looks and oh my gosh he was just the cutest. I liked seeing him... well stroke it. I liked seeing his red face. He kept his head down but would occasionally give me quick glances. I honestly felt so excited.
Once I was done I just walked past him, told him to, "have fun" and closed the door behind me.
Thats all that happened. Nothing too crazy. Im posting because its kinda fun to think about but also... I feel sooo guilty! Is he going to tell his friends what happened? Is my reputation just ruined? What do I do? I should just die. I'm a horrible person. I really didn't want to pressure him and in the moment it felt fine but I know it wasn't. How much trouble do you think I'm in? Am I going to get busted? I'm scared to talk to him about it because I worry that'll just make him more likely to spill the beans. idk maybe this isn't a huge deal. Maybe this is mild. I just am really anxious and I really hope I didnt mess up our relationship. I hope he doesnt start feeling uncomfortable around me. Ok I'll stop ranting now. Just getting something off my chest in the only place I can talk about it. I'm in so much trouble.