u/Tricky-Garbage-4215

I cum so hard just watching girls rub their clits. There’s something about watching a girl press, grind, and circle that fat, needy little nub, moaning and trembling as they rub it drives me completely insane. Every circling motion, every little flick, every tiny press makes my pussy throb like it’s happening to me.

And the moans.. fuck it is my absolute favorite way to cum. I rub my clit so hard, matching her rhythm, cumming as she cums, soaking myself every time. So fucking filthy. So fucking good.

We just got back from Easter with my in-laws, and my MIL made it embarrassingly obvious that my FIL has a reputation. The way she was monitoring him like a prison guard every time I existed within her peripheral vision?

Girl. Get a grip. Or get a divorce.

First moment: FIL sits down, shirt rides up a bit just enough to show a corner of his vest. Literally NOTHING. But MIL practically snaps at him like a teenager, “Pull your shirt down!” like he was flashing his whole cock at the table. It was so awkward because it was nothing, nobody would’ve noticed if she hadn’t said anything and even noticeable it was literally still nothing.

Second moment : The bedroom and bathroom are right next to each other. I was in towel and had just brushed my teeth, popped into the bedroom for 2 seconds to grab my sponge, and didn’t bother closing either door because I was literally doing a quick in-and-out. Not stripping, Just existing. MIL walks past, sees the open doors, at first she KEEPS walking, then doubles back like she just remembered she’s the guardian of her husband’s wandering eyeballs and tries to close the bedroom door behind me but I stop her and tell her I’m leaving now. As if one accidental glimpse of me would send FIL into a mating frenzy.

So what exactly was she afraid of? That he’d cheat again, if he has before? That he was going to throw me over the balcony and shove his dick deep inside me right then and there? Like I am his DIL ?? Is she that insecure or is he just a dog ?

However, I don’t blame her for being stressed though. Because, he did spend the weekend eye fucking me like he was starving, maybe I’m imagining it, maybe I’m absolutely not. But it turned me on so much and I stared back because I’m a menace, an attention whore when I feel like it.

And since I don’t like her, it was honestly entertainment.

Did I mention I was all covered up but I have a body that makes anything I wear look provocative. Anyway she made the whole situation awkward but only for herself, I was eating all the tension up. 🤭

We spent Easter with my in laws this past weekend.

What happened sent me into a spiral of THIS FAMILY IS SICK SICK 😂

So my FIL is using the toilet, right?

Totally normal. Humans poop. Life goes on.

My toddler, as toddlers do is happily roaming around, about to run into the room. My MIL suddenly goes: “Don’t go in there, your grandpa’s poo is bad” and then laughs. Normal banter.

So I laugh back and go: “Is it hereditary then? Because my husband’s poo smell is HORRIBLE.”

Lighthearted. A JOKE.

And guess what happens?

My husband IMMEDIATELY goes defensive and hits me with: “Well what are you feeding me?”

As if I’m personally responsible for his bowel biology?? Like yes babe, I sprinkle “make your poo stink” seasoning into the pasta. Anyway I said cool blame me, the fact remains your poo still smells bad. AS IT SHOULD?? Like HELLO??? Poo is supposed to smell?? What are we even talking about?

I noticed my MIL just being quiet and sheepishly laughing through that exchange, probably finding the best time to get in to try and defend her son and she didn’t fail to prove me right and THIS IS THE PART THAT SENT ME, she jumps in and goes (referring to my FIL’s poo) “Actually his poo smell has improved over the years.”

IMPROVED?? Is this even something to defend ? Why do you care ? Why does it matter ? And we are family as well ? Like is his poo smell being bad an assassination of his character? 😂

And suddenly I realised this family’s obsession with image, perfection, and their innate insecurity and presenting well runs so deep, it has infiltrated their conversations about POO.

What’s so ironic about them is that they’re the typical nose in the air “my shit don’t stink type of people” and it always be the worse of people that are so image obsessed too 😭

Something hit me today, and it’s not just the usual “leave for your sanity, leave for your peace.” Stress literally kills, we know that. But there’s another layer nobody really talks about.

We grow to genuinely dislike these people we’re laying next to. This deep internal rejection of them, their presence starts to drain you, being near them becomes suffocating.

Doing anything kind for them feels almost impossible, you hate doing it. Your empathy shuts down specifically just for them, even though you’re still a caring, loving, person with everyone else.

And honestly?

Even they don’t deserve to be with someone who has gone that numb towards them. And yes they get us to this point, through neglect, confusion, emotional starvation, avoidance, withholding, but once we reach it, it’s irreversible, your heart just goes cold for them while still being warm for the world.

And it’s sad, because the relationship gets to a place where, We don’t like them, we don’t want them and we don’t even want to try anymore. And if that’s the truth, then letting them go is actually kinder than staying and silently resenting them.

And I mean nothing and also everything is transactional even things you don’t think.

If he makes dinner tonight, best believe I’m paying for that, either by making him breakfast the next morning or by something else. If I’m ill and he had to step up to take care of our child best believe, he’s fallen ill the next day and making sure I cater to him. Energetically or emotionally there is ALWAYS a cost. I can go on and on. Going to the gym, doing anything outside of him, I’m paying for it.

Look I think I might be with one of the most insidious of narcissists. I mean there are even people on this sub telling me this sounds like emotional avoidance. We all confused🤣 That’s what I started with in year 1 of marriage when I was discovering him. I’m in a constant state of mind fog. Because it’s like am I just being paranoid or is this what it is? Am I making a big deal out of nothing ? Whatever the case I don’t even need it to be narcissism no more. All I know is that it feels unsafe here.

He’s back from work now. I’ve tried my best to pretend to be my normal self and just chalked my low energy up to “it’s been a day in motherhood” because how do I say my mood is heavy simply because today is one of those days I woke up dreading being married to you ? I’ve composed myself through all the constant FaceTime calls throughout the day, and now he’s home. I’m still acting normal, not rude, not cold, just not my usual bubbly self. Normally I’ll still fake it to avoid all the shit that comes with me just not being my bubbly self for him to leech off but I didn’t have the energy for that. That version of me keeps the peace. That version of me keeps him regulated. That version is the one he “loves.”

Because here he comes the ‘concern’ he’s being more touchy, telling me not to shut him out and he wants to ‘be there for me’ ‘instead of me being on social media’ now sir 😕 and just hoovering over me and this is exactly why I fake it because I do not need this shit 🤣 and no sir you just need your supply. But can I just be for a minute ? I’m not in the mood to be all extra smiley, when that’s not how I feel.

On paper it sounds sweet. Like he “cares”

In reality, it’s infuriating, because it’s not real. He’s not responding to me. He’s responding to the fact that I’m not performing the cheerful emotional supply he’s used to sucking from me. And I’m not even bothered about him not caring anymore, that’s asking for too much. I just want to be.

And tbh it was a bit of a day this morning with my toddler but I realised, what makes it all extra is my exhaustion from this marriage, it leaks into motherhood and I really hate that. I’m very mindful and regulate myself when it comes to my child, I do not play. But I do know I can be short fused more than I’d like to be on some days but that’s for me to work on.

Has anyone else experienced this ? A covert narcissist who; looks like an angel, gives money, never yells, never insults, but drains your soul in ways no one can see? and is financially empowered enough to avoid ever changing Please… I just need to know I’m not alone.

Let me just put it out there now, I am very grateful, it’s always at the forefront of my mind that “he provides” that’s why I break my back and more but he should be just as grateful, our lives function because of me, it is a two way street. Money doesn’t absolve him from being an active participant in our home.

Money is the ONLY contribution, and even that isn’t really from him. Yes he “provides,” but his parents fund half our lives (which is a problem in itself because he has no ambition, whines about a job he hates all day long but because he has a safety net he doesn’t even try, no drive, no nothing. In the 4 years I’ve been a SAHM I’ve worked myself into starting my own business) his parents are very happy to do so because it is really just financial abuse so they can have some leash on our lives, they’re the insecure monsters that raised him. It’s a twisted family dynamic to say the least but they’re ‘helping’ us right.

Because he gives money, he genuinely believes he’s doing “everything.” It’s the one thing he offers, and he leans on it like it’s the entire foundation of marriage. But what that actually means is 1) I provide all the emotional leadership. 2) I provide all the spiritual leadership. 3) Even all the fun and connection in the marriage. 4) I anticipate needs without being asked. 5) I initiate, every game, every bonding moment with our child. 6) I am the one regulating, adjusting, intuiting, nurturing, propping up, smoothing over, planning, considering… everything. Then of course thinking up every meal, keeping the house a home and all he does is absorb like a sponge. If it’s not something that has a “rule” attached to it (like offloading the dishwasher or taking out the bin he does nothing) not without being told anyway. No intiative, no thoughtfulness, Nothing spontaneous, Nothing that requires emotional awareness. Just… nothing.

And the worst part? Because he’s “nice,” everyone thinks I should be eternally grateful.

He doesn’t scream at me.

He doesn’t hit me.

He gives money.

So, according to the world, I should be endlessly thankful. Meanwhile; I can’t spiritually lean on him.

I can’t emotionally lean on him.

He drains me.

He leeches off my energy, my spirituality, my intuition, my nurturing, my ideas, my fun.

He gives money. I give everything else. And I’m tired.

So unbelievably tired.

I’m not here to demonize him He’s deeply wounded, raised by wounded parents, and he thinks money is the definition of masculinity because of how he was probably raised. He also had a SAHM himself and a father that was absent because he was always ‘working’ his mum has no business no nothing, a complete shell of herself that has just catered to her man child husband. Being around them I can see how much she resents her husband, her life and just how she’s lost herself. Her husband is rich rich and she has nothing going on for herself except what he ‘allows’ her have but that will never be me. She’s actually the reminder that I can’t live like this forever. At least I’m just 31 and I know this won’t be my life. But being married to her son? is slowly killing me.

Has anyone else experienced this?

The partner who is “nice,” who “provides,” who “means well,” but emotionally and spiritually contributes nothing,

leaving you carrying the entire weight of the marriage alone?

Let’s not even get into the subtle insidious abuse too that stays mind fucking me. I said covert narc right ? Need I say more.

TL;DR - I’m not partnered, I’m parenting a man-child with money.

I honestly feel like my mental health deteriorated after getting married.

I never even resonated with BPD symptoms until this relationship. The emotional inconsistency, the withholding, the avoidant behaviour, it all amplified everything in me to a level I’ve never experienced.

For instance, he only responds when I’m breaking down.

If I’m quiet, trying to regulate myself, or simply existing without expressing distress, he assumes everything is fine. There is zero attunement unless I’m at my limit.

And here’s the part that sounds crazy even to me, I grew up in a narcissistic household. My father was overt, terrifying and yet, somehow, I was still a happy, bubbly child. Yes, the dysfunction damaged my self-esteem, made me a people pleaser, and fed into my anger issues, but even then, I don’t remember feeling this constant heaviness.

Now, as a married woman, I wake up with a weight on my chest even on days when nothing is wrong.

It’s like the emotional deadness of living with a covert narcissist seeps into your spirit. At least with overt narcissists, you know where you stand. But the covert ones? They drain you quietly, slowly, subtly, until you’re questioning your sanity and wondering where your joy went.

Has anyone else experienced this ? A covert narcissist who; looks like an angel, gives money, never yells, never insults, but drains your soul in ways no one can see? and is financially empowered enough to avoid ever changing Please… I just need to know I’m not alone.

Let me just put it out there now, I am very grateful, it’s always at the forefront of my mind that “he provides” that’s why I break my back and more but he should be just as grateful, our lives function because of me, it is a two way street. Money doesn’t absolve him from being an active participant in our home.

Money is the ONLY contribution, and even that isn’t really from him. Yes he “provides,” but his parents fund half our lives (which is a problem in itself because he has no ambition, whines about a job he hates all day long but because he has a safety net he doesn’t even try, no drive, no nothing. In the 4 years I’ve been a SAHM I’ve worked myself into starting my own business) his parents are very happy to do so because it is really just financial abuse so they can have some leash on our lives, they’re the insecure monsters that raised him. It’s a twisted family dynamic to say the least but they’re ‘helping’ us right.

Because he gives money, he genuinely believes he’s doing “everything.” It’s the one thing he offers, and he leans on it like it’s the entire foundation of marriage. But what that actually means is 1) I provide all the emotional leadership. 2) I provide all the spiritual leadership. 3) Even all the fun and connection in the marriage. 4) I anticipate needs without being asked. 5) I initiate, every game, every bonding moment with our child. 6) I am the one regulating, adjusting, intuiting, nurturing, propping up, smoothing over, planning, considering… everything. Then of course thinking up every meal, keeping the house a home and all he does is absorb like a sponge. If it’s not something that has a “rule” attached to it (like offloading the dishwasher or taking out the bin he does nothing) not without being told anyway. No intiative, no thoughtfulness, Nothing spontaneous, Nothing that requires emotional awareness. Just… nothing.

And the worst part? Because he’s “nice,” everyone thinks I should be eternally grateful.

He doesn’t scream at me.

He doesn’t hit me.

He gives money.

So, according to the world, I should be endlessly thankful. Meanwhile; I can’t spiritually lean on him.

I can’t emotionally lean on him.

He drains me.

He leeches off my energy, my spirituality, my intuition, my nurturing, my ideas, my fun.

He gives money. I give everything else. And I’m tired.

So unbelievably tired.

I’m not here to demonize him He’s deeply wounded, raised by wounded parents, and he thinks money is the definition of masculinity because of how he was probably raised. He also had a SAHM himself and a father that was absent because he was always ‘working’ his mum has no business no nothing, a complete shell of herself that has just catered to her man child husband. Being around them I can see how much she resents her husband, her life and just how she’s lost herself. Her husband is rich rich and she has nothing going on for herself except what he ‘allows’ her have but that will never be me. She’s actually the reminder that I can’t live like this forever. At least I’m just 31 and I know this won’t be my life. But being married to her son? is slowly killing me.

Has anyone else experienced this?

The partner who is “nice,” who “provides,” who “means well,” but emotionally and spiritually contributes nothing,

leaving you carrying the entire weight of the marriage alone?

Let’s not even get into the subtle insidious abuse too that stays mind fucking me. I said covert narc right ? Need I say more.

Has anyone else experienced this ? A covert narcissist who; looks like an angel, gives money, never yells, never insults, but drains your soul in ways no one can see? and is financially empowered enough to avoid ever changing Please… I just need to know I’m not alone.

Let me just put it out there now, I am very grateful, it’s always at the forefront of my mind that “he provides” that’s why I break my back and more but he should be just as grateful, our lives function because of me, it is a two way street. Money doesn’t absolve him from being an active participant in our home.

Money is the ONLY contribution, and even that isn’t really from him. Yes he “provides,” but his parents fund half our lives (which is a problem in itself because he has no ambition, whines about a job he hates all day long but because he has a safety net he doesn’t even try, no drive, no nothing. In the 4 years I’ve been a SAHM I’ve worked myself into starting my own business) his parents are very happy to do so because it is really just financial abuse so they can have some leash on our lives, they’re the insecure monsters that raised him. It’s a twisted family dynamic to say the least but they’re ‘helping’ us right.

Because he gives money, he genuinely believes he’s doing “everything.” It’s the one thing he offers, and he leans on it like it’s the entire foundation of marriage. But what that actually means is 1) I provide all the emotional leadership. 2) I provide all the spiritual leadership. 3) Even all the fun and connection in the marriage. 4) I anticipate needs without being asked. 5) I initiate, every game, every bonding moment with our child. 6) I am the one regulating, adjusting, intuiting, nurturing, propping up, smoothing over, planning, considering… everything. Then of course thinking up every meal, keeping the house a home and all he does is absorb like a sponge. If it’s not something that has a “rule” attached to it (like offloading the dishwasher or taking out the bin he does nothing) not without being told anyway. No intiative, no thoughtfulness, Nothing spontaneous, Nothing that requires emotional awareness. Just… nothing.

And the worst part? Because he’s “nice,” everyone thinks I should be eternally grateful.

He doesn’t scream at me.

He doesn’t hit me.

He gives money.

So, according to the world, I should be endlessly thankful. Meanwhile; I can’t spiritually lean on him.

I can’t emotionally lean on him.

He drains me.

He leeches off my energy, my spirituality, my intuition, my nurturing, my ideas, my fun.

He gives money. I give everything else. And I’m tired.

So unbelievably tired.

I’m not here to demonize him He’s deeply wounded, raised by wounded parents, and he thinks money is the definition of masculinity because of how he was probably raised. He also had a SAHM himself and a father that was absent because he was always ‘working’ his mum has no business no nothing, a complete shell of herself that has just catered to her man child husband. Being around them I can see how much she resents her husband, her life and just how she’s lost herself. Her husband is rich rich and she has nothing going on for herself except what he ‘allows’ her have but that will never be me. She’s actually the reminder that I can’t live like this forever. At least I’m just 31 and I know this won’t be my life. But being married to her son? is slowly killing me.

Has anyone else experienced this?

The partner who is “nice,” who “provides,” who “means well,” but emotionally and spiritually contributes nothing,

leaving you carrying the entire weight of the marriage alone?

Let’s not even get into the subtle insidious abuse too that stays mind fucking me. I said covert narc right ? Need I say more.