Straight Bro Dares Me to Piss In His Mouth
by Tyler Blake
Everyone is 18+ and fully consenting. More stories on my profile. Chapter 1 of 3 parts.
I was trying to wake up, still balls-out naked in my bed, when I realized Will was sitting next to me eating some oatmeal. And loudly. So annoying.
Not standing nearby. Not at my desk. Sitting on my bed like this was how I wanted to be woken up. Spooning oatmeal into his mouth like this was totally normal.
"Dude, I have to show you something."
I groaned and pulled the covers up higher. "Will. What the fuck. I'm naked."
"I know. Your dick's right there." He gestured vaguely with his spoon. "I don't care. Just look at this."
He shoved his phone in my face. A TikTok video was playing. Some gym bro in California with sixteen million views. He was a good looking guy, with a kind of pretty face. I mean ok, whatever.
The video started off with shaky POV footage. A guy stumbling around what looked like a parking lot at night, clearly pretend wasted, patting down his pockets kinda frantic.
Dude. Dude, I can't find my keys. Fuck. Where are my keys?
The camera holder (his buddy, presumably) didn't say anything. Just kept filming.
I need light. Can you turn on the flashlight or something?
The video brightened. Now you could see Gym Boy clearly. He was in his mid-twenties, tank top, shorts, on his knees searching the ground.
I can't see shit. I need more help, dude. Like seriously, I need help.
Then it cut. Same angle. Same parking lot. But now there was a stream of liquid arcing through the frame, hitting Gym Boy directly in the face.
Except it wasn't liquid. It was obviously piss, or piss-coded. I assumed ofc it was fake piss. Water bottle or something.
Gym Boy kept talking, trying not to gargle too badly, swallowing between words. "Like I need you to help me look, bro. Check over there by the—" More piss hit his mouth. He kept going. "By the car, maybe I [gurgle noises] dropped them—"
The stream was relentless. It soaked his face, shirt, hair, pretty good. But most of it went right into his open pretty boy mouth. He was getting absolutely drenched and just kept talking like nothing was happening. I knew they had to have used a water bottle but I wondered how they got the piss-arc so perfectly. A+ on the piss arc, boys.
When it finally stopped, Gym Boy reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys.
Oh shit. They were in my pocket the entire time. Silly me. He just grinned.
The video ended. Sixteen million views. 847k likes.
I stared at Will. "That video is insane. Like pathetically insane."
"Right?! I know. It's genius!"
"That's not the word I would use."
I tried to imagine being some straight guy gym influencer in San Diego waking up one morning and deciding to be such a bitch for the algorithm that you'd let your friend fake-piss all over your face. This wasn't even gay baiting. This was like a subsection for utter filth on PornHub or the like. Truly gross porn bait. And for what? Views?
As if I would ever want to piss on someone, let alone be pissed on.
Who the fuck would do that? Not in a million years, man.
Will set his oatmeal bowl aside and got under my covers.
I started laughing. "Get out, you freak. I'm naked!"
But Will and I were like that. Ever since freshman year we'd had no boundaries and weren't afraid of being close and annoying the shit out of each other. It was just how we were. Like bratty brothers really.
"Listen," he said, settling in next to me like we were about to have a sleepover. "I researched how much this guy probably made from that video."
"Researched, meaning you put random shit into Google. Hats off, dude."
"Same thing. And dude, he made at least eight thousand dollars. Probably closer to fifteen if you account for rewatches and engagement and all that."
He started citing hazy facts and figures about TikTok payouts and creator funds and CPM rates, none of which I believed for a second.
"Will. I'm not fake-pissing in your mouth."
"Come on, dude! We can split the earnings! We'll be rich!"
Will didn't come from money. Neither did I. But even if we did the stupid prank video and it somehow got all those views (which it wouldn't) five or ten thousand dollars wasn't a lot of money. Definitely not the kind that made you rich. He had no idea of reality. I shuddered to think what this boy was going to do or be like after graduation.
I pushed him out of my bed. "I want more sleep. I'm still hungover from last night."
"Just think about it!" He giggled gleefully.
"No."
He left finally. So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
Then I had weird dreams.
I was in CVS looking for bath towels. I kept trying to explain I wanted big ones but not beach towels, and the faceless employee kept bringing me to the beach equipment aisle. Giant rows of snorkels, fins, floats.
Then I was outside. The sun was really bright and my car was parked in some small empty employee lot.
I went to unlock it but suddenly Will was there. On his knees. Wearing his sports jersey and track pants. Looking up at me.
"Come on, dude. Just do it. For the video."
"No, you loser. I'm not making a fake piss video."
But in the dream, as he kept asking, I just turned toward him, unzipped my pants, took out my dick, and started pissing all over his pants to scare him away.
But... he didn't blink. Instead, Will kept smiling that goofy ass smile he does in real life when he knows he's being annoying.
I must have drunk a lot of water in the dream because my stream kept going and going and going. And slowly I let it rise until his pants, shirt, and neck were all wet and soaked. He didn't flinch. Just nodded slightly, very slowly, as if to say: bring it, buddy.
So I started pissing on his face.
The thick stream hit his cheeks, his mouth, his lips. Hosed down his hair. He looked so happy, like his life's dream had come true. Like one of those chicks in a shampoo commercial brought back to new life.
Finally he opened his mouth and I aimed directly inside.
The dream ended with his mouth filling up with my piss, his eyes looking up at mine, completely content. But in that last shot I felt like we were on some ranch in Texas, like the one I'd grown up near. Not a CVS parking lot. Dreams are weird.
I woke up laughing a little at how insane that was.
His stupid idea had totally hijacked my brain.
But then I noticed something.
I pulled my covers down and saw I had the biggest boner I'd maybe ever had in my life.
I mean I usually wake up with morning wood. I'm a young and growing college boy, obviously. But this was different. My dick was so hard it looked angry. Ready to fuck ten thousand girls in a row. There was precum glistening at the tip.
I felt weirded out.
Had the dream gotten me that hard? Pissing on my best friend while he was on his knees in broad daylight? Letting my literal urine fill up his mouth?
I debated telling Will about it but worried it would only give him ammunition for why we had to do the video.
I scrolled on my phone instead. Tried to ignore my aching dick.
Will had sent me a Snapchat. A video of him in the dorm bathroom, gargling water in his mouth, cheeks puffed out. The caption across the screen: "dude let's get rich."
I immediately put the phone down and rolled my eyes.
What an insane loser my best friend was. So, so stupid. A total ass clown.
But then I looked at my dick and realized I needed to jerk off. Like ASAP.
The only problem was I felt confused. Or rather my dick was confused.
Because I kept imagining Will gargling on my piss and it made me want to nut.
Like hard.
Fuck my life.