u/SinfulBotanica

It is not something you found.

It is not something you were shown.

It is not something that was put into you.

It was already there.

There is a part of you that knows.

A part that does not question. A part that does not hesitate. A part that does not ask for permission.

A part that feels.

And that part has always been louder than you admit.

You call it temptation. You call it weakness. You call it something to manage, to control, to suppress.

These are words you were given to make distance between you and what you already know. Because if you call it something external, you can pretend it isn't you. If you call it a mistake, you can pretend it won't happen again. If you call it weakness, you can pretend you're meant to resist it.

But you return to it.

Again.
And again.
And again.

Not because you failed.

Because it is you.

The world teaches you to divide yourself. To have a "right" side and a "wrong" side. A "respectable" self and a "hidden" self.

It tells you that peace comes from control. That dignity comes from denial. That you become better by fighting what you feel.

And you believed it.

So you learned to hesitate. To question. To hold yourself back right at the moment where you would otherwise let go.

That tension you feel… you know it.

That pull.
That resistance.
That edge you sit on right before you give in.

There is something seductive about it.

Trying not to be it… while feeling it anyway. Holding yourself back… while your body leans forward. Telling yourself no… while everything underneath you is already saying yes.

That tension is real. That tension is powerful. That tension is what keeps pulling you back. But you've been aiming it at yourself. And so it feels like conflict.

Because you've been taught to stand in your own way.

To be the thing that resists.
To be the thing that says no.
To be the thing that holds yourself back.

So the tension turns inward. You against you. But it doesn't have to.

That same tension… becomes something else entirely when you stop fighting yourself and let something else be what pushes back.

Not you.

The world.

What they expect. What they say you should be. What they tell you is right.

Now the tension isn't you vs you.

It's you leaning into what you are… while everything outside of you tries to pull you away from it.

That feels better. It feels right.

Because then you have direction. Nothing to question. Nothing to hold back. Just something to follow.

You're not fighting yourself anymore... you're just leaning into what you are. And with a clear path to follow, things become easier. Life becomes simpler.

That edge doesn't disappear. That tension doesn't alleviate. It's still there. But now instead of being something holding you back, it's urging you on.

Instead of stopping you… it drives you deeper.

What you feel is simple. It does not argue. It does not justify itself. It does not need permission. It just is. And when you stop interfering with it, the chaos calms and clarity emerges.

Less thinking. Less questioning. Less holding yourself back.

An absence is created that makes room for more.

More peace.
More quiet.
More certainty.

Instinct.

Doubt disappears because there is nothing left to debate. The weight disappears because there is nothing left to carry. What remains is relief.

You have been searching for more when you should have been searching for less. Less resistance. Less noise. Less pretending. When there is less of you standing in the way… there is more of what you are. And that is where it feels right.

I have two gifts for you to help you on your path of acceptance.

The Litany of Return

This litany is best recited while lying or sitting somewhere you return to often as you rub, hump, grind, or all three, so that the words and the feeling become connected. It is when you have engaged many senses that the message contained within it sinks in deeply and it can take root most strongly.

>It was always in me.
I feel it again.
I return to it.

>It was always in me.
I feel it again.
I return to it.

>I don't question it.
I don't resist it.
I return to it.

>I move with it.
I follow it.
I return to it.

>Again.
And again.
And again.

>I return to it.

The Mantra of Return

This mantra is short. It is simple. It is something you can repeat without thinking. Because that's the point. You don't need to think. You just need to remember where you go.

>I return to it.
I return to it.
I always return to it.