it's been 15 times I think already. I wanted watching porns and guys maybe. but my brain and I just all glued to finding conservative and homophobic people to vent my true deepest feeling and validate it.
Wish there's someone like that now
When I'm high on meth. I especially verbal and wanna tell all the dirty darkest secrets and true thought I have no matter disturbing it is. Where could I find someone a stranger who would listen without leading back to me?
I just redosed meth orally. I eyeballed an amount doubled the amount of the first dose two days ago. The first dose also orally got me twacked for 20 hours. I could have eyeballed wrong but the dose looked twice as big in my hand.
I rested and slept for one night. I ate and drank. It hasn't kicked in at all after nearly 2 hours already. Barely any feelings yet. Should I take more? I didnt remember when the first dose hit because I took too much and twacked.
Edit: only now at exactly 2 hours did my heart started to beat a bit quicker
I dont the pipe and much money for many bags so oral is my only ROA. The main thing with oral ROA other than I always just eyeballing dose, is that I dont actually know the high would hit. Like it always take me by surprise when the high hit, and more than half of the times I was doing something I did not intentionally use meth for and got stuck there because the high hits while I was doing that other thing.
I feel like depending on some various factors oral ROA would take faster and longer to hit me, and I dont know how to know so I would be doing it when the high kicks in
Does it always take u by surprise?
I'm a gay (?) man, and I honestly feel gay sex to be extremely disgusting. Yes, I'm saying this a gay man. I don't know if I'm bisexual or not, because I've had sex with women before and I really love it and it felt really really good, but I still mostly attracted to men and gay sex feels as good too.
The problem isn't not feeling good, it's not looking right. I feel attracted watching men and women having intercourse. While gay sex isnt wrong, I still have some deep-seated belief that ideal men should be like this and that, that seeing a grown big man kneeling down before another man's to suck his rick, or crawling into doggy position asking for another man to thrust in, and moan and stuffs.
It really really disgusts me. Yes, I know I have internalized homophobia. I'm only comfortable fucking guys or letting suck mine and not wanting to do bottom stuffs. I need to work on that and right now it's my honest feeling