My first time
Let me tell you about my first time, which was now almost thirty years ago.
I had married my best friend, and things were going wonderfully in our relationship — complete complicity and sharing in everything. The only aspect that wasn’t working was sex: we had moments of intimacy with kisses and embraces, but whenever I pushed further I met with considerable resistance on her part, and this unsettled me quite a bit.
As a young man I had masturbated with a friend of mine, and during our encounters we would caress and hold each other before coming while masturbating together. I had always filed these experiences away as normal passages in a person’s growing up, but finding myself in a complete absence of sex with my wife, I often found myself masturbating while imagining those past encounters with my friend.
One evening at the computer, I noticed that the portal of my email account also hosted open chat rooms, and one of them was titled “him for him.” Out of curiosity, late one night I ventured in, and discovered an incredible world — I discovered the existence of married men like me who were seeking closeness and companionship with other men. For the first time I no longer felt alone. I tried chatting and realized that the part of me I had kept hidden over the years — justifying homosexual experiences and attractions as adolescent phases — was in fact still very much present and glad to emerge in those long conversations over chat.
Before long I was masturbating during those chats, and exchanging phone numbers with others so we could arouse and pleasure ourselves together, hearing each other’s voices and heavy breathing.
After months of these increasingly intense and erotic chats, I found a man who lived in my city and who invited me over for a coffee at his place. I won’t pretend — I can be a little naive at times, and I tend to trust people I find empathetic or aligned with my thinking, so I happily accepted the invitation, expecting nothing more than an evening of conversation over a cup of coffee.
When the evening of the appointment arrived, I told my wife I was going out with friends, got in the car, and drove to his address. I was very nervous — before ringing the doorbell I walked around his building on foot, then gathered my courage and decided to ring.
The door was opened by a man much younger than me, tall, with broad, handsome shoulders and a lovely smile. He invited me in, and while he made the coffee we began to talk. He told me he worked at a company but had previously been a competitive swimmer — which explained the more than impressive physique — and that he lived alone, having come from a city very far from mine.
As we talked, he moved closer to me and brushed my hand with his. I began to tremble in a way I had never experienced before. I had to sit down from the emotion of it, but he took my hand and led me toward his bedroom. I felt like a child being guided by a father toward some destination — I simply followed him, watching his handsome smiling face and his broad, muscular chest. Once in the room, he began to undress me, and as I felt his hands on my body I began trembling intensely again. It was something I felt I had always wanted, and even though I could feel the trembling throughout my whole body, I decided to let him.
The rest — if you’d like — I’ll write for you another time.